Thread: Brainbuster Special-The Rest of the Story #3

The rest of the story part-3


A.P Wire Service-December 04, 2010, Window Rock, Arizona. Local authorities found the dismembered remains of a Female in a ravine west of town. Officers reported a rock in the mouth of the remains.
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Capt. Vernon Eaglefliesfar of the Navajo Nation reported one of his officers found the dismembered remains of a female Native American lying in a ravine about 15 miles west of town. The State Medical Examiner delayed in identifying the remains because he had been fired for budgetary reasons and the new medical examiner was too busy studying for his college board exams to complete the tests in a timely fashion as his correspondence course was unfinished. So after a mix-up with procedures and evidence the State Medical and Toxicology lab which had been closed down due to budgetary reasons had to send the evidence to the Phoenix Zoo Lab for analysis where the samples were mistakenly mixed with some deceased animals causing the lab to state the police had found the remains of a new species of animal part human and part gorilla and part bear and part New Mexican. Eventually the FBI had to come in and complete the lab analysis. Colonel Smith with the State Police said, we had it pegged early but that DNA from New Mexico really had us stumped, those folks from that state are so backward and regressive we just couldn’t figure it out.

The remains were identified as being those of Tilly Pointyhorn a reporter for the Tuba City Times. Investigators spoke to her Editor Vernon Dodecahedron who advised she had been investigating the story of Homer and Eunice la Fong and the connection with a supposedly haunted razor owned by a WWll era Japanese kamikaze pilot and the strange goings on surrounding shaving gear allegedly owned by the cursed aviator and the trail of misfortune that followed the razor. The editor said Pointyhorn had been acting strangely for weeks before her disappearance. She had acquired the razor in question and for some bizarre reason she was seen sitting at her desk shaving her arms with the razor hour after hour which was strange since she had no hair on her arms to begin with. Shortly after that she acquired a small Japanese Honing Stone and began to become obsessed with honing stones. She would pour over Geologic Maps at the library and talk to shamans about where to find these stones. At the time of her death she had been under a rock overhang trying to get a vein out when the overhang broke spilling tons of honing rocks atop her crushing her instantly. The overhang was over a railroad line and the vibrations caused the body to shift onto the tracks where a passing train cut the body in two which was later washed into the nearby ravine.

FBI Special Agents Robeson and Wostenholm who were assigned to the case determined the reporter had become obsessed with shaving gear and found no less than 1000 razors in her apartment along with 200 shaving brushes and gallons of aftershave solutions. She had become really obsessed with these razors with two cute ducks on them and had cornered the market on them hoarding hundreds of them causing prices to rise to astronomical rates causing collectors to despise her all over the world. Her bedroom was so full of honing stones her second floor had given way and crashed onto the vacant first floor apartment below. After examining the damaged apartment agents discovered the dismembered bodies of numerous horses with their hides piled one atop each other. The local Sheriff told the agents she had apparently been responsible for the rash of missing horses on the reservation. She had apparently been using the hides to make shaving strops by the hundreds which she had hanging all over the walls of her apartment. She had also joined several on-line shaving sites and had numerous accounts on each one. One of the moderators at this one site, SRP, related he had terminated her membership numerous times and now was receiving death threats from the woman and received a voodoo doll with a straight razor impaled in the dolls…err….em…

Further investigation and interview with the reporter’s mother revealed her daughter had come over last week and was telling strange stories about a Japanese Aviator who was following her and accused her of damning his soul for all eternity and she was mystified why one morning she looked on in horror as her daughter shaved her face with a straight razor for 3 hours straight saying BBS over and over again until her face was red like a beet and all her skin had been shaved away. The mother said just imagine that, so horrifying using that razor to shave the wrong way on the wrong side. Also at breakfast she noticed her daughter was munching on an alum block as though it was candy.

Agent Robeson confiscated the razor in question and both agents returned to Phoenix. Agent Wostenholm came into the office one morning to find his partner honing the razor. He said what are you doing? The reply was I must do it the Japanese way. The more he honed, the stone became hot and started to smoke and give off sparks and then flames came out of the stone to burn the agents hands until his entire body was engulfed in flames and the charred agent calmly rose from his desk and said “it’s time to go and saddle up pardner, I’m a failure, I must find the holy honemaster” and jumped through the window to his death 8 floors below.

When Robeson came back inside the razor and stone had vanished with simply a ribbon with Japanese script and a cup of Sake on the agent’s desk.

The case has been reassigned to a special unit in Washington D.C and the file has been sealed and classified top secret while the investigations continue.
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Hmmm, strange goings on. Imagine hoarding all that shaving gear ain’t that sick? And who is the Holy Honemaster? Will the Cursed Aviator ever find peace?

I got an E-Mail from Governor Bill Richardson. He says, hey I'm sick and tired of you disrespecting the citizens of New Mexico all the time. This is a fine state and I want to invite all you folks to come out here and spend your money here. Just because my term is over and I'm leaving the state as soon as possible never to return doesn't mean anything.Just because we settle election disputes with a deck of cards doesn't reflect on us. Just because we have more crooks in Govt than anywhere else doesn't mean anything. Just because nepotism in Govt is rampant doesn't mean anything. Just because I've recently become a multi millionaire doesn't mean anything and just because our state is last in everything doesn't mean anything either.

Just when you come avoid the part of the state where this guy is from cause they're the backwards folks and they'll rob the eyes right out of your head.

I got an E-Mail from SA Robeson. He says he's in hiding. Some Japanese guy keeps showing up threatening him. He says while he's sleeping the dude is going to change places with him. He doesn't know how long he can stay awake, he can't take it any more.

I got an E-Mail from the Governor of Arizona. She says don't be telling lies like that.We didn't have to defund our state crime lab instead I just took all those poor folks off that expensive medical treatment and saved a bundle.