Thread: Dear Dr Spendur #5

Dear Dr Spendur

Hello, my name is Schlomo and I’m from Tel Aviv. I’ve been shaving with a straight razor now for 6 months and I’ll tell you it hasn’t been easy. First, getting a straight that was shave ready and then learning technique and then how to strop and then how to hone and how to make lather has been an ordeal. I’ve been struggling and even now I still get cuts and my razors pull and I get crappy lather.

I don’t know Doc but lately I’ve been waking up in the morning with shave cream residue on my neck and I’m clean shavin but I haven’t shaved in days. Last night I told my wife to stay up and watch me and record it with a camera. Sure enough about 3 AM I get up and go into the bathroom and strop my razor and shave and clean up and then go downstairs and hone my razor. My wife says I’m sound asleep. My eyes are open but I don’t remember anything. The funny thing is I’m getting best shave of my life and my razors are so sharp it’s like a honemaster honed them for me what’s going on here?

Dear Schlomo

You see the problem is during the day when you are awake you are aware you are partaking in an ancient and stupid practice. You are subconsciously so embarrassed and humiliated by it, it manifests itself by totally screwing up everything involving straight shaving. You will never get a good straight shave. However at night your alter ego is in control and the id takes over just as though the devil himself controls you. As a matter of fact I must tell you that in your sleep you have made a pact with the devil who has given you this skill but like all pacts with the devil you know you can’t trust him and probably next week you will be run over by a truck while crossing the street and will die. You will spend all eternity, until the end of time itself trying to hone a razor to perfection only to have it hit the faucet in front of you every time.

If you weren’t going to die I would just advise you to embrace Mr Gillette and do penitence by seeing Mr Jimmy and having him tattoo a portrait of Mr Gillette on your chest. Maybe you can loan the devil one of your razors and if you are lucky he will cut himself and the pact will be broken. In that event just lose those stupid straight razors and join the modern world and enjoy the comfort and precision and convenience of a modern Gillette cartridge razor. Remember it’s the best a man can get.

Good Luck
The Doc.