Thread: I do believe...

You guys are turning into a bunch or hard core rockhounds. That's good cause I've been one since I was probably 5 years old or so and it got me thinking.

Yes, I've been thinking and after consultation with some world class Geologists and some institutions of higher learning and some travel agencies and foreign leaders and petty dictators and extremists and a lot of work we are going to present to all the members here a "2011 summer honing stones exploratory vacation trek".

We will all leave for a 4 week jaunt this summer. You will be greeted at the airport by two courteous uniformed Chimps. We will board a chartered Boeing 777 and wing our way from one famous honing location to another led by our Geologists who will take us to the locations throughout the world, South America, Africa, Europe, Antarctica, Japan , Australia. Accommodations will be in the field however we will have a 4 star chef with us (auntie) to cook meals made from local ingredients. We will have two rather large individuals with us to provide peace of mind for your security.You will be guaranteed to bring back all the honing media you can carry and then some. Once in the foreign country we will have transportation via local custom, be it pack mules, oxen, camels,llamas or bearers. The specific countries are still being worked out.

What will you need to bring? Comfortable clothes, good boots, rock picks and chisels,skiis,snow shoes,ropes, ladders,scuba gear,helmets,flashlights, flares. We will provide the dynamite, blasting caps and detonators M-16s and hand granades and rocket launchers. We will also have all first aid equipment to treat the deadly poisonous snake and spider bites (the missus). You are advised to bring ballistic grade bulletproof vests for the "unsettled areas" we will be traveling in. We will have an explosive expert (my neighbor's seeing eye dog, Jake) to clear the landmines and hidden explosives and Mr Cletus to disarm any explosives and move rock material. After a sumptuous dinner in the open air served by Miss Baaaby and Mr Jethro we will have a professional masseuse (Miss Hogslapper) to take car of you aches and pains.

Sounds like fun eh? Want to come? Here is what you need to do.

1-a valid Passport from your country
2-a signed release absolving us of all responsibility if you fall victim to accident, injury, disease, wild animal attacks, human attacks, wolf bites, rock slides, avalanches (well you get the picture)everything that results in your demise.
3-an affidavit telling us where to send your body or body parts for disposal
4-A medical certificate from your physician certifying your good health for the trek.
5-enough cash to bribe foreign officials and pay ransom demands if need be.
6-A completed application attesting to your interest in hones. (so we know you're serious about this and not some adventure seeking soldier of fortune.


The cost for this trip will be $50,000.00 U.S. payable in advance in cash only.

Just put the cash in a box and mail it to

Monkeybusiness Shaving Supplies
General Delivery
Folsum, New Mexico,87999-9999

We look forward to you're joining us.

Any questions just ask.

Want to make a reservation just say the word. You don't need to pay up front. If you stiff us we'll just kill you.

Sign me up please!

Oh, and for disposal of the body, there are companies now that will compress one's ashes into a diamond. Could you please arrange for one of them to press mine into a hone instead? Then just mail it to Jimmy and Sham for testing!

(Given how others often respond to me, I have to assume that I'm quite abrasive.)

The above are the two best posts I have ready all day.

Sounds interesting! Especially the bit about not having to pay upfront, (admittedly with the threat of death if one did not meet one's obligations.........however, after a trip like that I would die happy !)

Book me in !

Anthony