Search:

Depending on how you are feeling you could state:
-osseous structure of domesticated ungulate
-femoral compact ossified cartilagenous connective tissue from Bos primigenius

Your suggestion may...

Ok, kidding aside.
My wife just found a human hair and fingernail doily on regretsy. Thanks JohnJ or whoever posted a link to that site.

Also, I have found that people who know razors will know...

You think bone is bad, try selling an antique book bound with human skin. That's a description nightmare.

I'm still curious how that guy sold his virginity on ebay without it being pulled.