Search:

Yea, my bride loves it, the other day she said “So, the sales gal got an attitude and I played the “Old Lady card” and got the discount”.

For her, it's sport, and she prepping for the Olympics...

"Evolution: Taking care of those too stupid to take care of themselves."

So, the other day on a local radio show where two guys rant about everything, one guys says. “This year so far there have...

So, my two-and-a-half-year-old, granddaughter is a pistol and smart as a whip. Scary smart, she goes 100 miles an hour, all day long.

We were in a store the other day, she was seated in a cart and...

So, on a weekend politico, talk show, some guy said of Hilarious Clinton and her doubling down and lying, about not having lied to the American people, and congress, “Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire…

So, my wife was reading the news on her I Pad. She said, listen to this, some nut, is going to jump out of a helicopter, without a wing suit or parachute, at 25,000 feet, aiming for a net.

I...

Have a friend, who years ago got a divorce and was living alone. He said he would go to the laundromat, with his clothes and a large box of laundry detergent.

He would pick out the best looking...

So, just the other day I told my bride, I should make a recording of a high speed, screeching, spine tingling, four-wheel lock skid and hook it up to a loud speaker and the horn.

Next time I come...

I was given a guitar, as a kid, at about the same time that Eric Clapton got his first guitar. It worked out for Eric, that’s all I’m saying. You know in a way, it did not for me.

I could not...

So, have you seen the video of the drunk, slapping the Uber driver?

We saw it on the news this morning, and they said the Drunk is suing.

My bride says, “I am so suing my uncle, because that’s...

Two hunters from New Jersey, are in the woods and one collapses, the other phones for help, telling the 911 operator he thinks his buddy is dead. When, she asks “Are you sure?”

The operator hears...

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep.

Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

So my granddaughter is coming up on two, starting to put together sentences and we’ve been teaching her to count.

The other day, my son said she came up to him and said “Candy, peeze?” and pointed...

The Molotov cocktail merit badge…

Hey, I like the Thin Mints... really I do, I'll take 4 boxes...

So, at weekend dinner, my bride was talking about how, now that she is getting up in age, she likes to play the Crazy Old Lady card, and starts to raise her voice, when these “kids” at the store give...

Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without the receipt.


Obviously, you have not met my wife, she does things like that, for sport…

The other day she called Time...

Read this letter in a magazine at the Doctors office the other day, it was written to a California, bus company.

Dear Sir, I would like to commend driver Lea Schroeder for the following reasons: ...

So, my daughter in law is thinking of starting a business, on a cart at a local mall. My wife years ago, had a successful business doing so, decided to help her out and make some inquires.

In...

Great designers are rarely, ever happy... they just run out of time.

– Brian Fuller

Reminds me of the old George Carlin joke, where the new Undercover Cop is buying some dope and the guy says. This sh—will make you feel like the top of your head is coming off.”

The cop says, “Why...

Next time you see someone dressed in camouflage… it’s not working…

I like cats, but I can only eat one… they are filling…

“Reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut's Tralfamadorians who had no spoken language but communicated via a complex system of farting and tap dancing”.


Is Bill Clinton one of them?

So this weekend we went to my sons, strapping weight lifter dude, for a BBQ, he walked out the door to the patio and straight into a spider web at head height, Yup, Bruce Lee incarnate, high pitched...

It may have been a set up, but there are people like that out there…

I have a sister who would tell her out of control children, “I’m going to count to ten… eleven, twelve, thirteen…

Kind of...

So my bride was cycling though the TV channels and sees a show titled “Killing Bigfoot” and says, “Oh look, O’Reilly must have a new book out”