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Yup, agree a lot to think about. If you use a handgun there will probably be a law suit in the aftermath, if you survive. And maybe even if you don’t.

Civilian carry is not like in the movies,...

Over penetration, with a handgun is rarely an issue and the bullet, will have lost most if not all its energy, after penetrating the first intervening object.

Hitting a vital and or pain producing...

9mm, .45 ACP ball.

It is shot placement, not bullet design, that is effective. Gun rags and bullet manufactures have made fortunes selling bullets, with photos of shooting watermelons, water jugs and blocks of gelatin....