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On the night before her family moved from Kansas to California, the little girl knelt by her bed to say her prayers. "God bless Mommy and Daddy and Keith and Kim," she said. As she began to get up,...

What's the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue?
You can tune a piano but you can't piano a tuna.
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Oh, the glue? I knew you'd get stuck on that.



rs,

Few people know that Penn Gillette (of Penn and Teller) comes from a small town where two of his aunts run a pie shop. They make great apple pies at low prices. No one else in town can compete with...

Two brothers, Mort and Bill, like to sail. While Bill has a great deal of experience, he clearly isn't the rigger Mort is.


rs,
Tack

Found this in my archives..

210362


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A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor...

A vitamin C deficiency is apauling.


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Tack

I just got out of the hospital after a speed reading accident.
I hit a bookmark.
      --Steven Wright


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The psychiatric students were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the leader, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness,"...

Sorry - public shaming accepted.


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Tack

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple whiskey. As the bartender pours him the drink he remarks, "That's quite a stiff drink. What's wrong?"

After tossing back the drink, the man replied, "I...

An elderly gent walks into a Catholic church, goes into the confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I have been happily married for 45 years, have four children, and 9 grandchildren but last...

Yep, it occurs to me that I know a lot of old people jokes. I wonder what that means.


rs,
Tack

And the sign said "Long hair freaky people need not apply"..

Good song, Five Man Electrical Band


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A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "You know, I've never felt better and I have an 18-year old wife who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?"

The doctor replied, "I have an...

A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the take off, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight...

Heh, I wondered how many would get it. Gold star!


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Tack

1/5 2/5 1/5 1/5


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gaaa!  209268


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While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along...

Jeb and Dolly are senior citizens and Jeb has always wanted an really expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. One day he sees them on sale, impulsively buys them and wears them home, asking Dolly,...

Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small amounts of female hormones. In a study to test this theory, 100 men were fed 12 beers each and it was observed that 100% of them gained weight,...

A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning.

"Congratulations!" says the clerk.

Looking at the cowboy, he asks, "Would you...

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she...

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest...