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Thanks! It's been a while, I've been taking my education a tad more seriously and did a little restoration and brush making...

Must be hard-on him.

There are days when I believe a big asteroid landed on my head

If she knew, you'd not even be sleeping on the couch anymore :p

In a blind test, all televisions are equal

Interesting question. Complain that he wanted to have a good time? Not wash his underwear for a very long time?

Depends on where you did it, or whether you work at the water treatment facility :hmmm:

I rather have toilet paper than television. Maybe we should cast a vote on that.

You don't happen to be texting the state trooper?

They probably don't have television either, do they?

Then yes, you have.

"I can smell it from your voice"

"I have a passion for old things. It's how I met my husband."

I'm an atheist, but I don't practise it a lot...

I was going to tell a prostitution joke, but I think cudarunner is right. It was a whoreable joke anyway.

Happened this morning:

"Hey baby, did you sleep well?"
"Yes, until I woke up..."

And if you've had a short night and people comment on your tiredness, you can say you went to the Jim at night :) Perfect excuse. Just don't tell which muscles you exercised.

Careful. They will understand the solution, but not the problem.

Could be there's a hole at the bottom.

I can't complain, dammit.

He's so slow, he grows a beard while shaving.

Except, perhaps, losing your legs.

You're wrong.

I'm still sorry for the dog that was put into the microwave. And I'm still staggered the owner won the case against the manufacturer.

What are we?
WOMEN!
What do we want?
WE DON'T KNOW!
When do we want it?
NOW!