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And the Lord said unto Pete "Come fourth and you shall have eternal life"
But Pete came fifth and won a toaster.

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the...

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.
Should've used aloha setting.

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer earlier.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

My mate Gavin just recently died from heartburn.

Can't believe that Gaviscon.