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From a book I read recently,

"What would you like on your vegetarian pizza?"

"Dead pigs and dead cows."

Not sure if it counts as a "quip", but I was watching an old movie years ago (the movie was from the 50s I think). A group of people were at a dinner/night club. The odd man out was asked why he...

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"