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What a jejune namby pamby craven you are. My great grandfather used to rub freshly butchered venison into his beard and then they'd let the wolves loose from their cage and he'd lay there until they...

If I had $10 I could buy a grinder for my face

That's because you're a pansy. Men use lawnmowers

I usually smash a window over my face or if I want a really close shave I will stick my head into the Amazon where the piranha are breeding, but if I'm in a hurry I grab my pet bobcat by the neck and...