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There seems to be an ample supply of electricity currently available in my neighborhood.....

So I said to the guy standing next to me, "don't make me walk all the way over there and kick your ass, boy!". :gaah:

I'm amphibious, I shave with both hands.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. I practice my theory.

Money talks but all mine ever says is "goodbye."

With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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:gaah::gaah: so there!!!

Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.

A cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the...

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Having trouble being sincere........... fake it.

"Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you."

Soupy Sales

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle

"And now the sequence of events in no particular order."
- Dan Rather

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

"It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?"

R Reagan

"Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement."

R REAGAN

"Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his."

R Reagan

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency -- even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting."

R Reagan

Rodneyisms

Today I told my son about the birds and the bees; he told me about my wife and the butcher.............:dropjaw:

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should...

I had a rough childhood, I was breast fed by my father...........R Dangerfield

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:gaah::gaah::gaah:

An honest golfer tells the hole truth.

Today you have to moonlight just to see daylight............:gaah:

I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
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Velcro - what a rip off!

FOR NEIL.....

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.