Thread: My Top 10 Shaving Videos on YouTube (with write-ups)

Well, here it is. This is the ultimate, the unimpeachable, the maraschino cherry, the Undertaker vs. Sting at Wrestlemania of all YouTube shaving videos. Not only is this the single greatest shaving AND barbershop video I have ever seen, it’s also one of my favorite internet videos in general. Yeah, I god damn said it. So, what separates this one from the pack? Let’s take a look.

Like our #3 video, this one takes place in India, with an Indian barber, in a decidedly old, rustic, Indian hole-in-the-wall shop. I love these places. There’s just something about them that conveys so much more charm, authenticity, and even masculinity than the large, sterile shops of today. The hustle and bustle of the busy city is easily heard from within. Outside the humble walls of this shop, life is being lived. Unlike the other video, however, this one is scored with its own Indian pop song to accompany that natural sounds, and man, is it bumpin. I usually find shaving videos to be rather relaxing, almost therapeutic, but the music here clashes with the content to create a soothing, bumping, calming, invigorating, lively emotion that I’ve never experienced before! It really is something to behold.

The patrons are awesome. They are two European tourists who visit the barber expecting an experience, yet they show respect and reverence for the culture about to produce it. They even open and close the video by extolling India’s style. You can tell by their expressions that they’re definitely enjoying this exotic ride, and patrons like that always help to make a good video.

The star of the show and this list, however, is the barber. I say this without hesitation: this is the best barber I have ever seen, and I haven’t even seen him give a ****ing haircut. He begins by lathering up one patron after the other with what looks to be a quality badger hair brush, and then treats us viewers to two minutes of the finest straight razor shaving this side of the nineteenth century. Each and every stroke is perfect. The blade glides over their faces like I have never seen before, and this man – part serviceman, part showman, all badass – hardly needs to re-shave the same area twice, even though doing so is common practice. He leaves the patrons looking smooth and classy, though he isn’t close to being done. On the contrary, his unrivaled work is only beginning.

After the shave, in the traditional Indian manner, he begins a face and head massage. This is the best head massage I have ever seen by a margin too vast to measure. Look at the way his hands move over the patron’s faces. This is no random mishmash of squeezes and stretches, but an impeccably controlled and rhythmic means of relaxation. His hands dance across their faces, practically mesmerizing them (seriously, study their expressions). All the while, he displays all the confidence in the world, because he knows exactly who he is: a master of his profession, a king of skilled laborers in a country that still respects them. Check out 4:44-4:50, when he bobs the skinny guy’s head up and down like a buoy. Can you imagine such a swagger from an American barber or *readies puke bucket*… stylist? Heck no. He gradually moves from the face to the head, becoming appropriately less delicate with the massage as he massages less sensitive areas of their head. He goes to town on their domes and hair, for instance.

When it’s all over, he applies some aftershave balm, lets the lead patron up, and is told that the service was “Perfect. Best shave I ever had.” And it was. It may have been damn near the best shave ANYONE ever had.

And that’s why this is the vid that reigns supreme. Because of that barber. Examine his work. Check out his moustache. Check out the unbuttoned shirt. Check out the gold ****ing bracelets. Admire that look of confidence and control he is wearing at all times. And then realize that this guy – and I hate using this word, but man oh man, is it justified here – is more ALPHA than any wannabe any internet forum has ever lionized before. He is the provider of one of the best services any of us have ever seen, and you can bet he knows it. And do you know how much he charged them for that service? The Indian equivalent of less than one dollar. Less than one ****ing dollar. I am going to India. I am finding his shop. I am getting a shave. I will sit there and watch as he charges me fifty cents, and I will give him the Indian equivalent of fifty bucks. And then I will tell him to book me for the same treatment every day for the rest of my life, because I am moving in next door.