Thread: Keeping the Peace With No Workshop.

Personally, I would rent another house and live in it
However, I can be a d*ck
Probably a bad idea for other folk

I appreciate the more diplomatic approach. In line with your comment on "intentionally starting a fight", I have not busted out "you get TWO offices, one of which is hardly used, and I am the one who has to work out of that dark oven of a shed!?!?" Probably not a good idea . My wife is also sensitive about me not spending time with her when we are both "free".

Her work office is also home to a futon for when her younger brother (mildly autistic) sleeps over a night or three every so often.

Something does need to be done about her craft office. She has admitted that I'd allowed a corner of it, if we were to ever get it sorted out enough to accommodate.

But the possible mess is also part of the issue. Heavy sanding, grinding, use of the table saw (well duh), and probably any use of a buffer would not mesh well with her crafts. Sawdust and metal shavings in a hand crafted clay Christmas tree ornament? Nope. She also is worried about breathing in any of said particulate.

We have been meaning to "buy" a home in our community, but haven't gotten around to looking into what's available. Well... I never remember, and she can't be bothered . I should shut up while I'm ahead.

Run power to the shed.

I don't think I would do heavy sanding or a buffer inside the house. Even in my shop with an vacuum air system I still wear a mask for heavy sanding in front of a snorkel line.

On the lighter side: took up straight shaving - had to buy a house!

So it sounds like you and I are experiencing some of the same barriers to work, although there are a few pretty obvious differences.

My advice is to really assess what you are wanting to get out of the hobby. If you want to simply enjoy the process of putting a razor back into service you can largely stick to hand tools that allow you to work in the house near your wife. I'd still recommend exploring the idea of taking over a section of the craft room not just because it might keep the peace when it comes to organization but because it would allow you and your wife to work together in your off hours. If there is anything I go out of my way to encourage in my own marriage is any hobbies that you can do together, or at least in close proximity.

If you are serious enough about restoring that you are trying to turn you hobby into a business of sorts then you should probably start looking at a longer term solution. Clearing out a section of the shed for saws, sanders and grinders is a temporary solution but a housing search is a better long term approach. In this case I would get a pretty clear idea of what you feel you need in the way of workshop space. If you go looking for a house and aren't clear that you feel you need this space to pursue your hobbies then you are probably going to wind up back in the same situation in your next residence. My own parents dealt with this throughout their marriage and my father didn't get a workshop capable of handling the work he wanted to do until the last two years of his life (my father had a pretty wide range of work that interested him).

I'm just embarking on my restoration journey but I have enough experience with different hobbies that I know the lay of the land already. I mostly keep to hand tools and simple approaches at home, keeping me out of trouble with my wife. I inherited my father's workshop but it is three hours away so I tend to save heavier, messier work for my visits to my mother. It is then where time management becomes difficult for me as I try to balance family time with time in the workshop completing the work that I want to get accomplished.

I'm not diplomatic, she would be losing one of the spare rooms. It's supposed to be a shared home with a married couple, and unless your a bum living there with out contributing. It never ceases to amaze me when men don't act like men. She has every right to her space , same as you do. The minute she don't want to meet you half way, then there is something wrong.
What would she think if you told her that you won't allow any crafts in the house?
Tc

Originally Posted by tcrideshd

I'm not diplomatic, she would be losing one of the spare rooms. It's supposed to be a shared home with a married couple, and unless your a bum living there with out contributing. It never ceases to amaze me when men don't act like men. She has every right to her space , same as you do. The minute she don't want to meet you half way, then there is something wrong.
What would she think if you told her that you won't allow any crafts in the house?
Tc

Position I take exactly.

When things like this arise - I step back, remove the "Me" from the equation, and simply ask what any reasonable person would do given this set of circumstances. What would the fair solution be and / or the reasonable compromise.

If any reasonable person would say, one room each or share the one room, and I think most reasonable people would, then that's the solution IMO.

And as you say Tc, they both contribute....

Well....Lets not be too hard on Ripper and crawler. Seems obvious they are young yet.
I went through the same thing myself.

To get respect and equality in the household, I had to stir the pot. My life, I like to work.
I did always have my own shop, so I just did my work there instead of sitting at her feet and watching her show on TV.

Down to doing what you want to do. Beats drugs and prostitutes, I told her!
She stays pissed at something all the time anyway.

Originally Posted by sharptonn

Well....Lets not be too hard on Ripper. Seems obvious he is young yet.
I went through the same thing myself.

To get respect and equality in the household, I had to stir the pot. My life, I like to work.
I did always have my own shop, so I just did my work there instead of sitting at her feet and watching her show on TV.

Down to doing what you want to do. Beats drugs and prostitutes, I told her!
She stays pissed at something all the time anyway.

...sometimes I wonder about that......

I truly admire how some people can determine the state of my marriage and the quality of my manliness through a simple post. Fact of the matter is that in my life I've been an autoworker and worked with 2000 pound steers and the last time I checked I didn't need anyone to validate my man card. I can also state that if I wanted to marry a weak-willed pushover I could have but I prefer to share my life with a woman who I consider my equal and who tends to treat me with the same care and respect with which I attempt to treat her. But hey, to each their own...

That said, I replied to Crawler's original post with the idea of helping him, not simply causing a fight with his wife. The fact is that Crawler gave a very simple outline of his problem and I'd much rather offer up a constructive suggestion that might actually help his situation. Yes he's free to gear up for a row but I figure that he was coming here for advice in order to avoid that as opposed to seeking validation to go pick a fight.

Well-said, but if work needs to be done, you have to do it. Not everyone has a hobby or likes to do creative things.
I certainly know more who have a pile of craft stuff, sewing stuff, woodworking things, etc who are wannabes.
They have it, yet never use it. I admire those who want to actually do things.
You can get resentful if you give up and never find a way. In my mind, the perfect spouse would be one who encourages and sacrifices some to help the other do what He/she likes. The old give and take....

Perfect spouses are rare it seems. People can change their perspective, however.

My point is/was sometimes the pot has to be stirred to make it happen.

Worked for me! My wife does not care what I work on....As long as I behave!