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I am becoming increasingly worried and concerned that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
I'm just a wondering , lost soul,,,in search of the perfect edge,,,:D
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Just had a real-life QOTD, after texting someone via the BlackBerry several times, and reading:
"....I hope I'm not bothering you again."
When you get those, don't you just want to text back, "Well, in fact, yes YOU ARE bothering me! Sod off!"
Kind of like when people say, “To tell you the truth,”
No, I want you to lie to me… wait you are from this administration…
Please do… just once.
Good one, it's like when people say, "Frankly....", and I go, "Yes?"
Asking is just polite demanding. (Max Headroom)
~Richard
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children and she has one in the oven.
The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
rs,
Tack
Corn, pone, all, the, way!! Someday, when I grow up, I want to be like the tack.
The other night, the wife and I were going out to a nice place, so as I was putting my tie on, I asked her, "Does this tie make me look fat?"
And she promptly replied, "No, but your face does."
"Did you miss me, dear?" "With every bullet so far." (Peg and Al Bundy)
~Richard
Ahhh yes,....the good old days. I was telling my son that when I was a child, my mother would send me down to the corner store with $1 dollar, and I'd come back with five Kg's of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three packs of juice, and some chocolates & candies.
You can't do that now I told him.
Too many damn security cameras!
:D
For many years when I was in my mid teens and early twenties I worked summer green pea harvest for Green Giant Co. The Shop Foreman had a Calligraphy piece that his wife had given him and I’ve always liked it! Perhaps someday I can find the right picture to include and someone to do the fancy lettering!
It said:
When you are up to your ass in alligators
It’s hard to remember
That your initial goal
Was to drain the swamp!
I ran into an old classmate the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't recognize me.
rs,
Tack
The nice thing about old age is...damn! What were we talking about..................??
~Richard
He has no enemies,
but is intensely disliked by his friends.
-- Oscar Wilde
I ran into an old classmate last week...My lawyer says I should get out in 4-6 years!
~Richard
Or youth
My 4 year old grandson came through the door after not having seen him for 3 weeks. I said “Damn Son, you look like a Hippie, we need to get you a haircut.” He has hair like a Labrador, so thick it repels water.
He said “What’s a Hippy, Grandpa?”
So we Googled Hippy and a photo of Haight-Ashbury and a dude with a full beard and mushroom cloud of hair flashed on the screen.
He said “That’s not a hippy, that’s a woman with a beard!”
Let me settle this thing about old age and me. Age is old, not me.
Here's a good one from the master, Douglas Adams.
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. "
rs,
Tack
I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...
If you have one.
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...
followed by Churchill's response:
Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second,
if there is one.
-- Winston Churchill
Seen on a computer back when:
Air conditioned environment -- do not open Windows.
~Richard
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order." (Doctor Who)
~Richard
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.. wait for it.. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
rs,
Tack
Isaac Asimov was the master of many humorous and hard hitting comments
""There are limits beyond which your folly will not carry you. I am glad of that. In fact, I am relieved.""
Doctor Susan Calvin in "Robot Dreams" in Robot Dreams (1986)
The History of the LIght Bulb
When Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb, he had trouble selling it. People just didn't trust this "new" way of making light. In order to promote his idea he decided to go around the country installing lights in different towns in order to drum up publicity. While in Oklahoma, Edison stopped by an Indian reservation and offered to put lights in any building they wanted. After much thought the Indian chief decided that he wanted lights in his outhouse, so he could see what he was doing at night. This made him the first man to wire a head for a reservation!
-- Thanks to Jim Speirs
“Heaters are for Pussies.”
On a beautiful warm, Southern California summer day, a buddy of mine drove past a used car lot in 1965.
He was 18 years old driving the beater pick up his dad had given him, an old farm truck long past its prime. He had spied a sleek, low, wire wheeled sports car, a 1953 MG TD.
The cigar smoking, plaid coated salesman straight out of Central Casting strutted from the trailer office. He showed the car to the kid and ticked off the benefits of the drop head coupe… it was a convertible and girls loved convertibles.
“Where’s the widow cranks?”
“Windows? This is a sports car man, there’s no windows… you got side curtains … if you need them, but look at this weather”, he said holding his arms out stretched, as if the Weather was included in the purchase.
“Radio? Is there a radio?”
“No radio, it a convertible. You can’t hear the radio anyway, it’s a convertible, kid.”
Oh… Heater? Where’s the heater.”
Heater? Heaters are for pussies. You’re not a pussy, are you?
“Well, no, no sir.”
That night he pleaded, begged and promised his father, until he agreed to the purchase.
The following winter turned out to be the wettest and coldest on record. He cursed the salesman every time he sat on the cold wet leather seat, frigid cold air blasting his head and any skin not covered by gloves and heavy wet coat.
“Heaters are for pussies”, he repeated to himself, visions of the salesman in his tiny office, electric heater cranked high, sipping from a steaming mug of hot coffee, a smile on his face.
An anthropology grad student discovered a remote tribe of very tiny people, only 6 inches tall, known as the Putz. Knowing that nobody would believe him otherwise, he decided to capture some of them and bring them home. So he put several of them in a shoe box and brought them back to the US.
When he got the building where he was to meet with his professor, he decided that the Putz needed some fresh air and sun (after being cooped up in a shoe box for several days) so he left them on the steps to bask in the sun. Wouldn't you know, shortly after he went in, there was a fire in the building, and the alarms went off. All the people came stomping out of the building and smashed all the Putz. Moral: Don't bask all your Putz in one exit.
-- Thanks to Grieg Olson
~Richard
Those who want to accomplish something will find a way. Those who do not will find an excuse............
Have fun