Thread: Favorite One Liners

-New bar/lounge opening soon: The Baby Seal Club

"Save the Whales...collect the whole set!"

Does anyone have any great one liners from The Benny Hill Show? I seem to recall seeing that being graffiti on a wall somewhere.

Originally Posted by Howard Newell

"Save the Whales...collect the whole set!"

Does anyone have any great one liners from The Benny Hill Show? I seem to recall seeing that being graffiti on a wall somewhere.

“I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.” (see, for example, Benny Hill Quotes)

James.

A Mushroom walks into a bar,
the mushroom orders a drink and the bartender says we don't serve your kind here
the mushroom says "why I'm a fungi?"

1. I have that effect on a lot of women.

2. Those are the benefits of having a classical education.

X

Rodney Dangerfield was the master...

I was so poor growing up ... If I wasn't born a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid ... when I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was such an ugly baby ... my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly ... my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could ... but he pulled through."

I'm so ugly ... my mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Once when I was lost ... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" "He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly ... I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Yogi Berra:

You can observe a lot just by watching.

He must have made that before he died.

Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical.

Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."


If you come to a fork in the road, take it.



Justin

Deja' vu again


-whatever

-Lou

Originally Posted by jaegerhund

Yogi Berra:

You can observe a lot just by watching.

He must have made that before he died.

Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical.

Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."


If you come to a fork in the road, take it.



Justin

Here's a list of Berra quotes.

My personal favorite, "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."