Thread: Kids say the darndest things

Alright, all you fathers of future straight razor shavers (or anyone else who wants to chime in), tell us some stories about some of the things your little children say that just floor you!!
Let me start. At lunch today my 5 year old was gulping down his water. My wife says, "now now Joshua, you dont gulp your drink down, it's rude! Just take one swallow at a time." At this point my 3 year old pipes in and says,"Mommy, how come you gulp your drink down?" I nearly chocked on my lunch I was laughing so hard!

Who's next?

What?....Am I the only one with children!
Somebody has got to have a funny story about their children or somebodys child they know.

OK, I thought I had a serious case of deja vu or had slipped into the Twilight Zone, but a little searching uncovered....

A doppelganger thread here...!

(It only managed marginally more response first time around!)
M.

Okay, My daughter had the hardest time saying Fork. She was about 20 months old, and already had a good vocabulary. However, we were out in a restaurant, and she starts repeately says her version of fork, which sounds a whole lot like Fuc .

Needless to say, my wife and I want to help her learn, but in the privacy of our home, and were trying to redirect her, but she was focused on saying that word. Some of the patrons around us with kids just laughed and laughed because they knew what she was trying to say, while the other patrons, and the crotchety old coots, just shot us dirty looks, and must have thought we were debasing our daughter by teaching her foul language. Contrary to my wife, I though it was very entertaining!

Matt

Me, my GF and her daughter were travelling across Slovakia by bus a few weeks ago and were stopped at a rest area. I was sitting outside in the beer garden enjoying the sun and minding our drinks, while my GF and her daughter had gone inside the building to use the ladies room. Lots of other folks (Slovak people) also sitting around outside enjoying the sunshine.

My GF told her daughter to go outside to where our table was and let me know that she was, erm how should I put this, staying for a No.2 and would be out in a few minutes.

Cue her daughter exiting the building, standing on the steps outside the door and shouting the slovak equivalent for "mummy's just taking a sh*t" at the top of her voice across the beer garden.

Cue the whole beer garden cracking up laughing including me, than then me having to explain to my GF why everyone was looking at her and giggling when she joined us a few minutes later.

I have no children of my own, however I do remember one moment from my early childhood very clearly.
I was walking with my grandma to the shop, and I turned to her and said
'Grandma, you're old, are you going to die soon?'
She thought it was hilarious. I was just curious I guess being only about 4 and not really understanding what the whole life thing was all about.

She is still around now, 20 years later, so my question has been answered!

We took my 4 and 5 year old daughters to NYC for a weekend in December to check out the classic New York scene, Christmas lights, tree, etc... My youngest was miserable and kept saying she wanted to go home on the first night, even when we were in the 'American Girl' store (hell for a man, a 4 story doll store). My wife finally asked her why she didn't like it and she told us that she wanted to go to sleep. Fine, we think, we'll go back to our hotel. She didn't like this, kept crying and wanted to jump on the train home. She had heard us talk about the 'city that never sleeps' and thought she was going to have to stay awake the whole weekend. We cracked up when we finally figured it out. - J

Hey, these are wonderful stories!!
Anyone else want to pitch in?

This last weekend there was a funfair at the local park, and I took my 5 year-old son and daughter of 18 months to check it out. There was a huge inflatable slide which looked really fun and loads of kids were clambering up to the top and throwing themselves off, bouncing all the way down. So Max says he'd like to have a go and I take him to the guy running it and ask "How much?".

The man says "£1 for three go's" so I dig around in my pocket and hand him the coin. Max joins the queue and then the guy lets them all on (once the last batch of kids have finished).

Now, I noticed that the kids were just going straight back up to the top every time, and that the guy wasn't really keeping count. It looks like he's just giving them a certain amount of time and when he thinks everyone must have had three go's he stops them, turfs them off, and let's the next batch of kids go. So after Max finishes his third go he goes to put his shoes on. I whisper to him "Look son, everyone else is just staying on and taking more turns. I'm sure it's fine if you just carry on and the man will say when it's time to finish."

Off he goes, but instead of climbing the steps, he stops and tugs on the man's shirt. In a loud voice, and in front of all the other parents, he declares:

"Excuse me, I've had three go's already but my Daddy is telling me to cheat and have another go!"

I felt about 2 inches tall.

Originally Posted by majurey

This last weekend there was a funfair at the local park, and I took my 5 year-old son and daughter of 18 months to check it out. There was a huge inflatable slide which looked really fun and loads of kids were clambering up to the top and throwing themselves off, bouncing all the way down. So Max says he'd like to have a go and I take him to the guy running it and ask "How much?".

The man says "£1 for three go's" so I dig around in my pocket and hand him the coin. Max joins the queue and then the guy lets them all on (once the last batch of kids have finished).

Now, I noticed that the kids were just going straight back up to the top every time, and that the guy wasn't really keeping count. It looks like he's just giving them a certain amount of time and when he thinks everyone must have had three go's he stops them, turfs them off, and let's the next batch of kids go. So after Max finishes his third go he goes to put his shoes on. I whisper to him "Look son, everyone else is just staying on and taking more turns. I'm sure it's fine if you just carry on and the man will say when it's time to finish."

Off he goes, but instead of climbing the steps, he stops and tugs on the man's shirt. In a loud voice, and in front of all the other parents, he declares:

"Excuse me, I've had three go's already but my Daddy is telling me to cheat and have another go!"

I felt about 2 inches tall.