Thread: Unexpected loss

I have lived for 43 years without knowing anyone who took their own life. Today makes twice in 2016. I truly believe that these people don't understand the pain that their actions bring to others or they would have chosen a different path.

If anyone is contemplating this, please understand how your actions will affect others. There are better choices with much better results but it takes time, hard work, and support of those who love you. Please let them help you through the dark times.

Sorry for the downer. It is extremely unusual for me to bring something like this to a public forum but I needed some way to vent. Thanks for providing me that.

Oh yeah, I broke my damned double duck tonight to boot

Most that do take their own life don't feel they have a choice, as the support options that you listed are not visible to them, sadly.

Originally Posted by Hirlau

Most that do take their own life don't feel they have a choice, as the support options that you listed are not visible to them, sadly.

You are so right. I wish that I could change that. Hopefully nobody at SRP is in this position but if they are, maybe they will read this and realize other.

Craig,
Very sorry to hear of the losses you have suffered. While it's terribly difficult, doing what you are doing (talking about it, bringing it into the open) is so important.

There are of course many reasons why people go down that path. I can really only speak to one of those: depression. I suffered through a couple of serious battles with depression several years ago, and while I was fortunate enough never to really contemplate ending it all, having been there I can fully understand how someone could tip over that edge. It's a terrible place to be.

One of the truly insidious aspects of depression is the way that it completely screws with people's view of themselves and their place in the world. Some people feel worthless. Others feel completely empty. Some feel utterly alone, others useless. Some a combination of all those, plus other devastating thoughts.

For me, *not* feeling alone is probably a big reason why I am still here today. I hate to think where my mind might have gone if it weren't for my family, particularly my young nephews.

So you are *absolutely* right in saying that there are better options, better choices. And I am thankful every day for having come through my experiences with the knowledge and determination never again to go to those dark places.

But I hope you can also take some solace in the possibility that people who take or attempt to take their own lives *don't* do it to hurt others. When the mind goes to those dark places people think that their final step will save their friends and family from having to deal with them, put up with them, etc. That does not change the fact of your loss of course. But the odds are good that they did what they did with what they saw as good intentions. While their actions obviously hurt you, their intent may have been the opposite. The mind can really mess with people like that.

Anyway, I know nothing of your losses or of course of your friends, so all the above may be way off base. If it is, I apologize. None of it is meant to diminish their actions or your loss. It's just an important thing to talk openly about.

Hang in there!

Originally Posted by Cangooner

Craig,
Very sorry to hear of the losses you have suffered. While it's terribly difficult, doing what you are doing (talking about it, bringing it into the open) is so important.

There are of course many reasons why people go down that path. I can really only speak to one of those: depression. I suffered through a couple of serious battles with depression several years ago, and while I was fortunate enough never to really contemplate ending it all, having been there I can fully understand how someone could tip over that edge. It's a terrible place to be.

One of the truly insidious aspects of depression is the way that it completely screws with people's view of themselves and their place in the world. Some people feel worthless. Others feel completely empty. Some feel utterly alone, others useless. Some a combination of all those, plus other devastating thoughts.

For me, *not* feeling alone is probably a big reason why I am still here today. I hate to think where my mind might have gone if it weren't for my family, particularly my young nephews.

So you are *absolutely* right in saying that there are better options, better choices. And I am thankful every day for having come through my experiences with the knowledge and determination never again to go to those dark places.

But I hope you can also take some solace in the possibility that people who take or attempt to take their own lives *don't* do it to hurt others. When the mind goes to those dark places people think that their final step will save their friends and family from having to deal with them, put up with them, etc. That does not change the fact of your loss of course. But the odds are good that they did what they did with what they saw as good intentions. While their actions obviously hurt you, their intent may have been the opposite. The mind can really mess with people like that.

Anyway, I know nothing of your losses or of course of your friends, so all the above may be way off base. If it is, I apologize. None of it is meant to diminish their actions or your loss. It's just an important thing to talk openly about.

Hang in there!

Thank you for your kind words. I know that they didn't mean to hurt anyone else. I just wish that they realized that others were there to help.

I am surprised that it has been that few. Honestly it happens far more often than discussed. People used to say things like, they had an accident while cleaning their gun. Honestly if more people could and would talk openly, and very importantly, without judgement, we have a better chance of understanding each other and perhaps find some resolution. I too have had some brushes with depression and mental health issues. I agree that people that end it all, are not doing so out of malicious intent, but desperation and sometimes it is a very narrow window of time in which they get sucked far enough into the darkness to actually commit the act. I have great amounts of sadness for the people that fall into that deep despair. I also have great feeling for those they leave behind. It is sad and so is the stigma society attaches to it.
Be Well
Be Happy
Be Helpful
Be nonjudgmental

Sorry for your loss!


Mike

So sorry for your loss Craig, I Know about where you are at, my own Dad, two cousins and my favorite uncle killed themselves in the space of two years, there are SO Many things that can cause the pain great enough for one to take their own life. My Dad and I had a verbal contract to always call the other if we were thinking that way, HE DIDN'T call. The pain level he was in went above the call, he was Out of His mind. I'm a vet and bipolar so I know pain of all kinds.

Smoke up and Prayers sent.

Originally Posted by crazy4str8tsinnc

I have lived for 43 years without knowing anyone who took their own life. Today makes twice in 2016. I truly believe that these people don't understand the pain that their actions bring to others or they would have chosen a different path.

If anyone is contemplating this, please understand how your actions will affect others. There are better choices with much better results but it takes time, hard work, and support of those who love you. Please let them help you through the dark times.

Sorry for the downer. It is extremely unusual for me to bring something like this to a public forum but I needed some way to vent. Thanks for providing me that.

Those who have not suffered deep depression can't understand.