OK, this could be a fun topic. I'm looking for serious answers as well as outlandish suggestions:

My wife and I recently bought a single family home in Suburbia, USA. We have about a third of an acre--nothing that large, but the house is well positioned so we have a decent backyard.

Herein lies the problem. There's a group of about five to 10 kids that likes to hang out back there and play wiffle ball in our yard. In fairness, a couple of them do have backyards that adjoin ours.

This is annoying me and really annoying my wife. Mainly it's annoying her more because I'm spending most of my time at the house under the kitchen sink, laying tile, etc. and don't see them as much. (We're remodeling the new house while living in the one we just sold...) I suspect part of the problem is that we're not living in the house full time yet.

I don't want to put up a fence, because that just hems everything in. (I keep explaining to my wife that Hemingway was being facitious when he wrote "good fences make good neighbors.") I like the idea of a more open area that's a little more useable for everyone.

But these kids are being pretty obnoxious about it. They're practically on the back porch at times. They're also tearing up my lawn. I wouldn't mind it if they'd ask, but they just act like they're entitled to be there. (This goes back to our thread on teachers--kids aren't taught respect these days. Oh, yeah, the parents sit out on the deck and watch the little trespassers... )

I'm way too young (26) to become the crusty old man who scares everyone away. And I don't want to start World War III with the new neighbors. I guess I'll need to have a talk with some of the offenders and their parents; it's frustrating that that's even necessary, though.

Any other suggestions for keeping them at bay? I've suggested motion-sensing gattling guns, an idea that my wife likes.

Josh