Thread: I just had a very profound experience!

Originally Posted by jockeys

I am fond of negative feelings. i would never want to let them go, they are so helpful for getting motivated and accomplishing things.

I don't know that letting go means getting rid of them exactly (IMHO) - integrating them or processing them so one does not deal with them in a maladaptive, unconscious or reactive way would be the goal. If you use them for positive motivation - and are aware of it, that is one way of integration I suppose.

Jordan

Originally Posted by jnich67

I don't know that letting go means getting rid of them exactly (IMHO) - integrating them or processing them so one does not deal with them in a maladaptive, unconscious or reactive way would be the goal. If you use them for positive motivation - and are aware of it, that is one way of integration I suppose.

Jordan

well, the way i see it, you've got two choices:
you can let the negative feelings just fester inside you, ruining your day and maybe eventually your health,
OR you can put 'em to work and use your anger or whatever to accomplish things to improve your life.

example:
let's say one of my coworkers does something slimy and backstabs me. ****es me right off. i can:
a. sit around moping and fuming, and not do anything about it. then i will go home and be in an awful mood and my wife will have to put up with my irate behavior.
b. use my anger to one up/ humiliate him at the next meeting or whatever by using my focused rage to work faster and get more done than him. the satisfaction of dazzling the boss with my fine oneupsmanship will see me going home in a victorious mood, and my wife will get to deal with happy jockeys and not cranky jockeys.
or, i suppose,
c. do some hippy meditation thing (no offense, anyone) which does nothing to resolve the situation with the antagonist, just makes me less cranky. when i go home that evening, my wife won't find me cranky, but she won't respect me, either.

my point is, rather than just wasting all your anger or whatever, you should use it (or use it up) to improve the quality of your life in a constructive way. even if it's just beating a punching bag, it's still a good workout and helps your feel better physically and emotionally. i see that transcendental stuff as an awful waste of something potentially useful.

I'm on the same page as Jockey.

Red

I think jockey has a valid point, but there's a fine line.

Using anger/hurt feelings/pain/etc as motivation can be a VERY good thing. But that would fall into the "b" category from my sorting idea. This creates 2 possible problems with doing things this way.


First of all, there are things that this simply doesn't work for. Specifically, things that no amount of work will ever give you the ability to change. This is the "c" category. Anybody who thinks that there is nothing that should ever fall into this category has had a sheltered life. Again, no offense intended, but let's be realistic here, we're talking about things like rape, child abuse, and witnessing horrendous things like murder and suicide.

Trying to use these sorts of experiences as your motivation is unhealthy. You end up basing your successes and failures on the worst thing that ever happened to you, and viewing the entire world through a warped lens.


The other danger with using these sorts of things as motivation, is that IMO, it's important to do it the right way and for the right reasons.

Your coworker stabs you in the back. Been there done that.

You work your tail off so that at the next meeting, you can shine. Been there done that.

Your boss sees all your hard work, rewards you, sees that your coworker was just trying to stab you in the back, and dishes out the comeuppance your coworker deserves. Been there done that, but not as often as I would like.

The issue is, that I think it's important how and why you do this. Doing that to make yourself better, to repair the damage done, to be a better employee, to show the person who stabbed you in the back that you can't be trifled with; are all great reasons to work you tail off.

But to do it specifically to humiliate your coworker; that seems unhealthy. I realize that the end result is the exact same externally, but internally, I think it makes all the difference in the world.

Originally Posted by VeeDubb65

But to do it specifically to humiliate your coworker; that seems unhealthy. I realize that the end result is the exact same externally, but internally, I think it makes all the difference in the world.

agree to disagree. to me, humiliating the coworker is reason enough, and all the other stuff is just a bonus. but i live my life by lex talionis and i understand that not everyone has chosen that path.

i agree with your point that there is some trauma that cannot be dealt with that way. but it seems like 99% of most folks' issues can be dealt with my way. there are definitely exceptions though.

I can respect that, Jockey.

Also, I do agree that 99% falls into the a or b categories.