Here's a thread thats likely to go nowhere

[JMS]

How many of us have considered what love is? Probably a good percentage of us. How many have come to a conclusion about love? While many of us have ideas and thoughts on what love is I am betting that less than two percent of us are willing to call these thoughts and ideas final conclusions.

I have some thoughts on love that may go against the grain of modern conventional thoughts. There is love for a child. This is generally a protective sort of love. There is friendship. to my way of thinking this is usually a needy situation and not love at all. thats not to say that friends can't or don't love one another, I just believe that neediness (loneliness, hole in the gut needing to fill type of relationship)in a friendship is more common than mutual love and respect. And then of course there is marriage. The ultimate filling of that hole in the gut, that missing part we are trying to restore through a mate. Marriage. That institution that either makes us better humans and more thoughtful and considerate or tears us into pieces and yanks our pounding hearts from our very chest and stomps it into dust...and then mocks us.

Lets talk of love between a man and a women. A man generally believes he loves his bride when he marries her and a women generally believes the same about her new husband but I don't believe this. What I believe is that a woman is seeking security of sorts and a man is looking for completion (filling that hole in the gut). I believe that emotional love (not true love )carries a married couple in the beginning. this emotion that brought them together is the same emotion that tears them asunder after a time. At this point true love is either found or the marriage ends...or drags on as an endless hell. True love, I believe, is the lack of emotion or better put, reason above emotion as opposed to emotion above reason. Emotion is heady stuff and hard to resist where as reason is easy to resist. To resist emotion requires a certain self control not commonly found. this self control, to my mind, is the beginning of true love. All else is built upon this self control or crumbles due to the lack of self control (excessive emotion).
Anyways, I could go on but I would rather hear the thoughts of others and I might add more later.

Anyone else like to add their thoughts on love?

[AussiePostie]

I can remember asking my mum what love is? She told me all I had to do was ask myself one question " would I be willing to lay down my life for that person" if the answer is yes it,s love, if no it,s like. I know it is probarbly a bit simplistic but it has worked for me.

Your thread has promted me after 30 years of marriage to ask myself the question again and for my wife,children (still no grandchildren yet) and a few very close friends the answer is still a very big YES!

[JMS]

I can remember asking my mum what love is? She told me all I had to do was ask myself one question " would I be willing to lay down my life for that person" if the answer is yes it,s love, if no it,s like. I know it is probarbly a bit simplistic but it has worked for me.

Your thread has promted me after 30 years of marriage to ask myself the question again and for my wife,children (still no grandchildren yet) and a few very close friends the answer is still a very big YES!

I like this answer!!

[59caddy]

love is something best left alone by beginners(it can get expensive)

[ShavedZombie]

That last paragraph got a touch confusing for me, JMS.. But I just woke up after 4 hours of sleep. I blame that.

To me, and this will sound wierd, love isn't an emotion, per se, because you can feel an emotion for anyone, given the right circumstance. To me, love is a person, and love is a role for that person. Here's where it get's confusing. I look at my mother, I know I love her as my mother, but as a seperate person, I feel nothing for her, so I love her within her role as my mother, whereas, If someone else was my mother, I would not feel love for the woman who is my mother (I'm losing myself here ...)

Love for my girlfriend though, that's what I was aiming at with the statement that "Love is a person". I love her more than I can fit into words. I know that it may just be puppy-love, but it is love nonetheless, and I would do damn near anything for her (case in point, the reason I got so little sleep is that I drove home at midnight last night to sneak into her house, give her flowers, tell her I love her, and then sneak out. Just because she sent me a text telling me how much she loves and misses me [I'm at college, she's at her house. Her father does not like me, but hopefully doesn't know])

Maybe I'm just rambling, but I guess I'm trying to say that love is defined by the person and how they interact with you. You can "love" a friend in a friendship role, but outside of that feel nothing. You can love a nurturing parent, but when it's (I guess) true Love, you love the person no matter what the role. I loved Olivia before we started going out, just for who she was, and, even if we were to stop, I don't think there would be anyone else who would fit me as well. True love is loving someone no matter what role they play in your life, or if they end up leaving your life. You still love them.

Guess it isn't reciprocal... That's a sorta' disappointing thought.

Sorry if that came out nonsensical.

[gregs656]

Strong word. From where I'm sitting, it's going to mean something different for every one, and it's a four letter word that means we don't have to over think our selves too much. After all, the 'I love you' conversation would be a lot longer, a lot more complex, and a whole lot more involved with out it.

I reckon when you start comparing people to say your girlfriend, or your friends or who ever, and no one quite measures up, you're at least in the right ball park for 'love'.

[MistressNomad]

Well, I come from pretty much the opposite end as you, JMS.

For starters, there is a very clear line in my mind between love and marriage. It's rather similar to the difference between a house and a home.

Lots of people can and do have dedicated, intentional life-long relationships without getting married. The reasons vary, but from the POV of someone who has no particular desire to marry, for me it has to do with not feeling like I need to prove my love to the government. That's a strong statement, I know, and I'm not assuming anything about people who do get married. But to me, that's just how I see it.

Second, I think there is a lot of gender projection in your analysis. Perhaps this is again, because of my background, but to me it seems like you're projecting some very one-dimensional stereotypes on men and women. At the end of the day there is no way to typcast the way all men or women think.

I'm a woman and a heavy traveler. And I cannot be in a relationship with someone who isn't ok with having a little less security than the white picket fence and the mini van. How does someone like me fit into your definition of love?

You're also assuming that couples always get married at a certain point in their relationship. What about someone like David Letterman, who didn't get married untiil he'd been with his partner for countless years and had a child already?

Basically, what you're saying assumes a bunch of things.

1. That all people think of marriage the same way.
2. That all people get married at a certain point in a relationship.
3. That all men and women are alike.

And you know what they say about assumptions.

Also, I disagree that true love is reasonable, but I see what you're getting at. Instead, I would put forth the idea that perhaps true love is wise.

Often wisdom is something which comes to us in ways which cannot be easily broken down. Sometimes we simply know, as though through osmosis, the consequences of certain actions.

Reason is cold and mathematical. Nothing about true love is cold or mathematical. Nor is ebulliantly emotional.

True love is patient, considerate, and loyal. All of these qualities lie in a no man's land, somewhere between logic and intuition.

[JimR]

It seems simplistic to identify one of the most complex experiences in the human condition as one thing or another. I believe every individual experiences love for themselves, and how they deal with the ins and outs of marriage will also be individual. If, by "emotion", you mean raw "feeling", then of course it will tear marriages apart. Emotion unfettered by reason or control is madness...

I think what you are actually talking about, Mark, is maturity.

[welshwizard]

It's a word that is used far too casually these days. As such, it's lost much of it's meaning.

[ShavedZombie]

It's a word that is used far too casually these days. As such, it's lost much of it's meaning.

That's a very good point. Love, colloquially, means like... And that is a travesty.