Thread: Qualifications for parents

MickR, yes that helps a lot. I was just getting the feeling that your kids were basically all on their own. Certainly sounds like they are not. I can't agree on everything you brought up be we can agree we do the best we can for our kids and hope for the best. As you have well said life is about choices and we hope they make the best ones.

Thanks for the reponse and clarification.

BTW, just got done shaving a little while ago (I shave in the evenings sometime) and what a great feeling.

Originally Posted by frank47

MickR, yes that helps a lot. I was just getting the feeling that your kids were basically all on their own. Certainly sounds like they are not. I can't agree on everything you brought up be we can agree we do the best we can for our kids and hope for the best. As you have well said life is about choices and we hope they make the best ones.

Thanks for the reponse and clarification.

BTW, just got done shaving a little while ago (I shave in the evenings sometime) and what a great feeling.

Like I said, it's a complex subject.
I don't think any one path is the best, but hopefully, it's just a different kind of right.

I had my first shave in two days this morning and I know that feeling you're having...To use a word coined by an unknown member here, I've spent my day 'faceterbating'...


Mick

MickR, yeh I like that term also. Saw it like you must have the other day.

yeah it's a balance of authority between the parents and the society. like most everything else. i think in our current western culture the only thing one can claim complete authority over is their own life, although there's still the issue of euthanasia which curtails it to some extent.

Originally Posted by mhailey

Seems to me that we are presented with state sponsored discrimination based upon a religious belief. For those of you defending the discrimination against these foster parents, how would you react if the were discriminated against because they were black, because they were hispanic, because they were muslim, because they were buddhist?

It's not that I think discrimination is ok, but having anti-gay people take care of a gay foster child is not in the best interest of the well being of the kid, right?

I mean, that would be like putting a black kid in the foster care of a family of aryan nation followers. With foster care (as with adoption), the most important consideration needs to be the wellbeing of the child. Everything else, including the motivations of the foster parents to-be is secondary to that imo.

By the same token, it is perfectly legal to be a neo nazi, but that doesn't mean that nea nazis would have to be permitted to be foster parents. they can mess up their own kids as much as they like but when kids are placed in their care by their current legal guardian (child services), the well being of the kids trumps the right of the parents to do whatever they please.

Personal observation only. Though i'm a psychiatrist and see a lot of children.

IME, only one adult out of 20 should be allowed to parent a child.

After interviewing the child, then the parent, the pathology is usually present in the adult.

Most adults I encounter are messed up. Most children, even those identified as troubled, respond beautifully in an environment where they are loved, respected, and engaged with.

I see this every day.

Originally Posted by pcb01

Personal observation only. Though i'm a psychiatrist and see a lot of children.

IME, only one adult out of 20 should be allowed to parent a child.

After interviewing the child, then the parent, the pathology is usually present in the adult.

Most adults I encounter are messed up. Most children, even those identified as troubled, respond beautifully in an environment where they are loved, respected, and engaged with.

I see this every day.

I really believe you.
So I must ask: isn't it depressing to see such things day after day?
Btw, the 1 in 20, is that 1 in 20 all around, or 1 in 20 of those who get past your doorstep?

Parents should always keep in mind that their personal beliefs aren't always best for the child. Unfortunately so many people these days have lack of common sense or they are so high in their personal believes/hobbies/work that they simply have no skills/time/energy to raise their kids. It is a shame.

My wife works for psychiatric hospital for children. That is most depressing work i can imagine. Seeing those little mistreated kids day after day. That is something most of us can't even imagine.

I'm not saying there are single one right way to raise a child. It is rather that child comes first; personal opinions are not that important.

Originally Posted by Sailor

I'm not saying there are single one right way to raise a child. It is rather that child comes first; personal opinions are not that important.

An old friend of mine is a foster parent. He and his wife have 4 kids of their own IIRC, and then they take care of kids that are placed with them by child services for a couple of months because the parents are in rehab, or jail, or temporarily relieved of their rights as legal guardian (abuse or investigations).

While I acknowledge that what he is doing is extremely generous and benefical to the wellbeing of the kids, it is also extremely hard to deal with the emotional side. Because often the kids have to go back to parents that are anything but suited to raising kids. Yet their biological bond trumps most other considerations. So the kids go back to misery with a very high probability that the problems will repeat themselves, and they all know they'll be back with the foster parents, several months later.

Personally I would not know how to deal with that without becoming terribly jaded. Especially since sometimes the kids themselves are crying and begging to stay with the foster parents...

I can totally see how Phil says only 1 in 20 people is suitable to be a parent. SWMBO and I have said to each other on countless occasions, after seeing some drunken buffoons fighting and vomiting in the street, "Dear Lord, I hope that person(s) is not allowed to breed..."