Thread: The rules!

The Man Rules

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

2. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Then Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. do not shave ANY body parts with my razors!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh

Those are great. If only they believed them. I'm still hearing from my ex-wife about something that I said about 17 years ago!!

John

I read this to my wife.
She left the room halfway down the list...

"stupid" I believe she murmured as she left
I guess that means the list hit a weak spot or two

I'm going to test these rules right now. I'll repost in two minutes with SWMBO's reaction.

Those are great, thanks for posting. My SWMBO did not find them amusing at all...so they must be true.

They are true! Just finished reading them, and was told half way through "You may be reading this to the wrong audience". I was presented with a stone face throughout the whole reading.

That was great! A lot of truths in there...I just finished with a 3-day "siege"...makin up was great. All over buying my sister & her man-friend lunch. Gotta lovem' but they can be strange creatures.

I read these or something similar a while back, and i stand by them in the following form.

I sum it up with the phrase "don't criticise men for not understanding women when women don't understand men any better"

BTW i laughed hard when i reread them again, great rules.

has anyone got more than halfway down the list with a significant other?

And the interminable, low-intensity war between the sexes continues.

It does make life interesting though.

At my age, I live by the three most important rules in the universe:

1. Never miss an opportunity to take a leak!
2. Never ever under any circumstances, trust a fart!!
3. Never ever ever waste a HO, even if you have to use it yourself.........

Have fun,

Lynn