Thread: Fathers' Rights in Child Custody and High Conflict Divorce

Originally Posted by christophe

Also, from those who divorced, are in the process of doing so, or went through a very hard (conflicting) time with their partners:

what topics would you advise a soon-to-be-engaged or soon-to-be-married couple to seriously discuss ??

(for example, career vs family.... etc.)

Money, sex, expectations of household workload, who will earn paycheck when kids are little, will will wife work, debt expectations, desired lifestyle. and any other topic of importance and many which really are not. No topic is really off limits. You are getting married after all.

Jeff

I got custody of my oldest girl 20 years ago. Stayed a single father for the next 9 years. It is a real sacrifice and a lot of work to do well. Work hard and do not work more hours than your children can afford. You can learn to live with less stuff. They can learn to live with less you, but is it wise. Build a solid support structure for yourself, you will need it. Friends and family are now more important than before.

I heard once that children spell love... TIME

Sorry, unsolicited advice. Ignore if you wish.

Jeff

Originally Posted by TURNMASTER

Money, sex, expectations of household workload, who will earn paycheck when kids are little, will will wife work, debt expectations, desired lifestyle. and any other topic of importance and many which really are not. No topic is really off limits. You are getting married after all.

Jeff

Yes. Aside from the things I had already mentioned: anything that is of capital importance to you.
Much of what gets decided in my home gets decided by my wife. I just don't care about the color of the couch, or the type of curtains, or the bathroom faucet, or any of the other 10000 things that my wife has an opinion about.

Free marriage tip: whenever she wants your opinion on any of the things you don't care about, 'whatever' is definitely the wrong answer. Give your opinion in the form of a question 'Do you think that color will match the carpet' or 'Are the cushions supporting enough' or something in that sense. Then let her take it from there. You showed interest, showed that you value her opinion, and let her make the call. That's 3 points ahead without having to do anything for them.

Likewise, my wife never argues about the knives, my workshop, my tools and things like that. She may ask me about them, or ask me to do something, but she never argues about them (she knows I discuss large costs up front). For example, yesterday I was visiting a master smith as part of a tour of old crafts in the area. Despite the freezing temperatures, she waited around while I was talking with the smith (whom I've been emailing with). Then she unexpectedly saw us walking by, carrying an anvil to the car. She wasn't surprised, made no comments, just openened the trunk so we could put it in. In the car, she asked what the story was with the anvil, and we were good.

And then the next stop on the tour was a demonstration by a jeweler. Because that was interesting to my wife and daughters (and to me, but that didn't matter)