Thread: Need help with English text - any goldsmith here? :-)

Gents,

I was asked to translate short Polish text into English. My friend wants to put it into elegant card attached to jewelry she makes.
May I ask you gentelmen to read my poor translation below and make all the corrections to make it like written by British/American native from jewelery business? To become correct, distinguished and royal English as possible Smile
Thank you in advance.

Here is the text:

"Dear Cusomers,

Congratulations on purchasing this unique jewelry handmade in traditional methods by Polish goldsmith manufacture.
All the models from our collection are based on historical patterns.
The jewelry has been made from silver of 925 hallmark electrically covered with a 3 microns layer of red gold, which ensures exceptional durability and long use without the risk of jewel’s colour changing.
There have been used stones and crystals of first quality only in whole collection.
We recommend to avoid direct contact of jewelry with perfumes, cosmetics and salt water"

_________________
Cheers

Pawel

"Dear Cusomer,

Congratulations on purchasing this unique jewelry, handmade using traditional Polish goldsmithing methods.
All the models from our collection are based on historical patterns.
The jewelry has been made from 925 hallmark silver and electrically covered with a 3 microns layer of red gold, which ensures exceptional durability and long use without the risk of any colour change.
Only stones and crystals of the first quality have been used in the whole collection.
We recommend avoiding direct contact of jewelry with perfumes, cosmetics and salt water"

_________________

It wouldn't hurt to mention that 925 silver is Sterling Silver. Some people don't know that that that's a number relating to the percentage of silver.

Originally Posted by Effigy

"Dear Cusomer,

Congratulations on purchasing this unique jewelry, handmade using traditional Polish goldsmithing methods.
All the models from our collection are based on historical patterns.
The jewelry has been made from 925 hallmark silver and electrically covered with a 3 microns layer of red gold, which ensures exceptional durability and long use without the risk of any colour change.
Only stones and crystals of the first quality have been used in the whole collection.
We recommend avoiding direct contact of jewelry with perfumes, cosmetics and salt water"

_________________

I agree with effigy, but would change "microns" to "micron" and "long use" to "longevity". (and - is "electrically covered" the same as plating? )

James.

Now really guys, you can't expect a Yank and an Aussie to know the Queens English

Originally Posted by Damon

It wouldn't hurt to mention that 925 silver is Sterling Silver. Some people don't know that that that's a number relating to the percentage of silver.

You are technically correct, but in most of Europe, silver is sold by the Purity number - 925, 975, 995 etc. 'Sterling' silver is not commonly used.

Originally Posted by Jimbo

I agree with effigy, but would change "microns" to "micron" and "long use" to "longevity". (and - is "electrically covered" the same as plating? )

Microns is acceptable and is used. A micron is 1 millionth of a metre, therefore the plural would be 'microns'.
I think 'electrically covered' sounds better than plating, which has cheap conotations in terms of jewellry.

You guys will be OK when we sell you the other half of the language course!

Originally Posted by Effigy

...
Microns is acceptable and is used. A micron is 1 millionth of a metre, therefore the plural would be 'microns'.
I think 'electrically covered' sounds better than plating, which has cheap conotations in terms of jewellry.

You guys will be OK when we sell you the other half of the language course!

LOL! Bloody poms!

I have to disagree with you on the microns though. The sentence is describing a singular layer of gold, therefore the singular length measurement should be used - after all, you don't say "a one inches thick steel wall" (or do you...? )[ed: bad example, I meant "a 3 inch wall" as opposed to "a 3 inches wall"]

James.

I'm not a native speaker, but I would try something in the line of (adapted from Effs translation).

"Dear Customer,

Congratulations on purchasing this unique piece of jewelry. We have made it by hand, following traditional Polish goldsmithing methods. The material used is the best sterling (925 hallmark) silver, electrically covered with a 3 microns thick layer of red gold. This ensures an exceptional durability without the risk of any colour change. The stones and crystals we use are of the finest quality, and we base all our designs on real historical patterns. To ensure that your jewelry maintains it's brilliance and sparkle, avoid direct contact with perfumes, cosmetics and salt water.
"

Tried to get the text to read a bit easier as I felt a few of the sentences were a bit convoluted. Please ignore me if I only made matters worse.

Originally Posted by Jimbo

LOL! Bloody poms!

I have to disagree with you on the microns though. The sentence is describing a singular layer of gold, therefore the singular length measurement should be used - after all, you don't say "a one inches thick steel wall" (or do you...? )[ed: bad example, I meant "a 3 inch wall" as opposed to "a 3 inches wall"]

James.

James: Close mate, but no cigar
You say the wall is '3 inches thick', not '3 inch thick'; 'its 3 miles to town', not '3 mile to town'; 'the water is 3 meters deep', not '3 meter deep'

Originally Posted by alfborge

I'm not a native speaker, but I would try something in the line of (adapted from Effs translation).

"Dear Customer,

Congratulations on purchasing this unique piece of jewelry. We have made it by hand, following traditional Polish goldsmithing methods. The material used is the best sterling (925 hallmark) silver, electrically covered with a 3 microns thick layer of red gold. This ensures an exceptional durability without the risk of any colour change. The stones and crystals we use are of the finest quality, and we base all our designs on real historical patterns. To ensure that your jewelry maintains it's brilliance and sparkle, avoid direct contact with perfumes, cosmetics and salt water.
"

Tried to get the text to read a bit easier as I felt a few of the sentences were a bit convoluted. Please ignore me if I only made matters worse.

Oh No! We've got a Noggin involved now

Hi Alfborge

I am going to gracefully retreat from the field of battle. Albforge, that sounds good too.

James.