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Thread: Humor of the Day!
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01-19-2014, 03:15 PM #21
DualNature If you are in doubt if it goes, don't post it. The rule of thumb is; Would you let your child or grandchild read it?
This is a family rated forum, and we've had to take down "humor threads" before.
"Cheap Tools Is Misplaced Economy. Always buy the best and highest grade of razors, hones and strops. Then you are prepared to do the best work."
- Napoleon LeBlanc, 1895
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The Following User Says Thank You to Otto For This Useful Post:
cudarunner (01-21-2014)
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01-21-2014, 10:23 PM #22
Mildred, the local gossip and self-appointed monitor of the town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members of the town did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing!
Frank, a man of few words, looked at her for a moment, and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home ........ and left it there all night.
Ya gotta love Frank.Our house is as Neil left it- an Aladdins cave of 'stuff'.
Kim X
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01-22-2014, 02:53 AM #23
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
- Oscar Wilde
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01-22-2014, 11:16 PM #24
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
~RiichardBe yourself; everyone else is already taken.
- Oscar Wilde
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03-17-2014, 07:30 PM #25
I just got this in from a friend's wife so I thought I'd try to give CPR to this dying thread! I do hope it's not DEAD yet!
A filthy rich Texas man decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters
and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating
gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the
nerve to jump in.
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.
Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it
in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke
holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air
like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the
gator were screaming and raising heck.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a
dime store goldfish.
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring
at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million
dollars.'
'No, that's okay. I don't want It,' said Leroy.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something You won the bet.
How about half a million bucks then?'
No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
amazing.
How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'
Leroy said;
'I want the name of the sumbitch that pushed me in the
pool!Our house is as Neil left it- an Aladdins cave of 'stuff'.
Kim X
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03-17-2014, 09:23 PM #26
Murder Crime Scene Phone Call!
Tom Mabe – Telemarketer Crime Scene Prank - A funny video on DIGYOUROWNGRAVEOur house is as Neil left it- an Aladdins cave of 'stuff'.
Kim X
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03-20-2014, 01:07 AM #27
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
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Thanked: 1185No offense to anyone whose significant other is a blonde, but this was just too funny not to share
The older I get, the better I was
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03-21-2014, 05:22 PM #28
Daddy, how was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!"
"Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive."
"As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered
that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button,
nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:"
Scroll down . . . (you'll love this) . . .
MaleOur house is as Neil left it- an Aladdins cave of 'stuff'.
Kim X