Thread: E-bay related moral dilemma

X I know you won't be reading this, but I'll just respond anyway just in case someone else feels the same way.

Thanks for your opinion and for your take on the matter. I reserve the right to disagree with you, and I do. I'm fully within my right to see things in a different manner, just as you are. Doesn't make either of us any more right or wrong than the other, just means we have a different viewpoint on the matter and while I respect your viewpoint I see things a little differently.

As for the "intent matters" that is true in legal cases. However, after much pain and suffering in my life I finally learned that it most definitely does NOT matter when it comes to interpersonal relationships. If I offend my fiancee with something I say it doesn't matter one whit whether I meant to offend her or not, all that matters is that she *is* offended. I have no right at all to tell her "you have no right to be offended because I didn't mean it that way" or "you took it all wrong". If you think I'm wrong, go try that on your friends, family, etc and see how far it gets. The rules are different when it comes to interpersonal skills.

If I offend you, even if it's inadvertant (and I'd like to think I'd never personally set out to offend you) it then becomes my responsibility to make amends, not your responsibility to "get over it". If I want to be on friendly terms with you, it's my responsibility to apologize, tell you "yeah, sorry I sure didn't mean it to come across that way and I'll work on that" and then move on... at least if I expect you to treat me with any level of respect and courtesy in return that is. If I don't give a fiddler's fart about you and just want to consider myself as the center of the universe than yeah I can tell you "man, sucks to be you" but I sincerely hope that I don't *ever* do that to you or anyone else here because that's not who I want to be.

That doesn't mean I won't stand up and defend myself though. Just because I try to be courteous doesn't mean people can take a poke at me and I will just "take it" in the interest of not fighting. I'm not a pushover. Courteousy goes both ways. If you expect to receive it, you have to give it.

There's a lot of pish posh around here about "Gary you should've had said..." and that's fine. Maybe you're right and maybe you're wrong. I sure don't see how that's any different than saying "FUD, you should've said..." also. For the record, this could've been easily averted had FUD said instead "wow, I didn't realize I came across that way and I didn't mean to strike a nerve there. Sorry about that" instead of copping an attitude like "get a grip old man" (both sets of words are mine, not meaning to put words into anyone's mouth, just making an example).

This reminds me a lot of the earlier "let's slander the police department" thread and if I recall that one ended poorly as well. Being a gentleman means that you think carefully about your words and how they might make others feel *before* you say them not playing damage control afterwards. Being a gentleman entails putting other people's feelings ahead of your own sometimes.

-- Gary F.

I've enjoyed the communications I shared with the seller from whom I won this sweet baby. The seller left positive feedback for me the moment I paid (rght after the auction ended), and I thanked the seller for being decent enough to do so. Here is the seller's reply to my thank-you note:

Hi Ben,

I believe the original system is suppose to be per performance and to the facts.

My listing hopefully had large enough picture to show the item well. I do try to explain everything I can without boring the buyer and sincerely hope for the big bucks.

You paid and paid fast soon as you won the auction, therefore regardless of what may arise, your responsibility in the transaction is completed so feedback should be left I believe.

When you receive the item if it is as described and pictured (not what the buyer may have thought they were getting) and can see that I mailed it timely then I did well. If there is any problem with the item when razor arrives please let me know and I'll do my best to take care of it. My part done and all goes well my good feedback shows my responsibility in the transaction was also successfully completed.

The feedback system has become abusive and somewhat out of hand with the waiting game to see what the other person does. So I just try to do what I think is right and with integrety and hope for the best.

Thank you for the kind note that says you noticed. Seems people rarely see the good when they are looking so hard for the bad.

sweet razor Ben, and a good seller too it seems.

Originally Posted by Ben

The feedback system has become abusive and somewhat out of hand with the waiting game to see what the other person does. So I just try to do what I think is right and with integrety and hope for the best.

That is one extremely smart seller. That's the way it's *supposed* to work and if more people followed those guidelines there'd be a lot less of those unfortunate arguments over how bad ebay "suxorz" that's for sure.

-- Gary F.