Thread: How does one use creams And what the hell is a snurdle?

OK, first thing is DON'T PANIC!!

Creams are a different breed to soaps, no doubt about it.

First, you will need a spatula - just a general garden variety spatula will do. You will also need a caulking gun, two thumb tacks and high speed vibratory polishing wheel.

Take a liberal amount of cream and spread it over your face with the spatula. Do not be parsimonious with the cream - the more the better.

Make sure you thoroughly seal all facial orifices with the caulking gun - this is vitally important with creams as the carbon dioxide exuded from nostrils, mouth, and, in your case, ears will degrade the fine balance. To enable breathing after caulking your orifices, insert the thumb tacks into each nostril (carefully) to produce two tiny breathing slits.

Now you are all ready. Plug in the polisher and really work that cream into the face. Really, really work it. Cream loves being buffed into the pores.

Once you have gotten to this stage, please take a photo and post it back here.....

James.