Thread: Clean jokes

How to catch a polar bear:

1. chop a hole in the ice
2. sprinkle peas around the hole (fresh or frozen will work)
3. when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

A cannibal passed his friend in the woods...

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Originally Posted by Ernie1980

A cannibal passed his friend in the woods...

...two maggots fighting in dead earnest...

Speaking of dead earnest, he was a heck of a hard worker and I confess that I thought he was funny!

At times, we still say "know what I mean, Vern?"

He was a funny man.

Originally Posted by rolodave

At times, we still say "know what I mean, Vern?"
.

Funny thing is, My name is Vern.

Originally Posted by tintin

How to catch a polar bear:

1. chop a hole in the ice
2. sprinkle peas around the hole (fresh or frozen will work)
3. when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

Why do I have this felling it won't end good for the kicker ?

For Veterans Day--
A fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?"
“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The fighter pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Darn thing’s an hour fast.”

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer earlier.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.