Thread: Our friend Steve

Originally Posted by Steve56

I was just wndering through, not having been deep in the forum for a while. God bless you Steve, hang in there and keep going. I’ve been through similar with my sister (MS, a long time) and my dad. The only thing that really helped was to get outside and get the blood moving in fresh air. Nature has a way of helping us when we need it.

The only way I can clear my head when I need to is to get out in the open with nature, away from everyone.

Originally Posted by Steve56

I was just wndering through, not having been deep in the forum for a while. God bless you Steve, hang in there and keep going. I’ve been through similar with my sister (MS, a long time) and my dad. The only thing that really helped was to get outside and get the blood moving in fresh air. Nature has a way of helping us when we need it.

you make a lot of sense, it would do me good, shame exercise is the main thing they stopped, smoking 2nd but i stopped again anyway, and booze. Now booze is a bit far I think, even the doctor probably has a drink or 3, when he comes out the mosque lol.

Funeral tomorrow, had my hair cut, washed the car, so 8am my gps is taking me to York Cemetery in Toronto.

I never thought i would see the day.

I was reading back this thread, I actually thought it was going to be ok, well, I was a fool
wish you could fix stupid then i would have seen it coming and it wouldn't hurt so much

Its not about what you won't have any more Steve. Its about what you did have!

Best of luck, we are thinking about you.

You weren’t being stupid Steve, you were being optimistic and even doctors take time to figure things out. That’s a healthy attitude and you will be fine after some time passes. Talk to the counselors if you need to, and your friends and relatives. You’re not alone in this and others who have been through troubled times can help.

It hurts so much because you cared so much, Steve. It's good to see you taking care of yourself.

Originally Posted by markbignosekelly

It hurts so much because you cared so much, .

....Truth...

Steve, I hope your funeral went well. I think you ask too much of yourself. You weren't a fool and you weren't even optimistic per se. It's called denial and it is perfectly normal. It is our way of processing traumatic events in the early stages. I think you need to allow yourself to be normal and feel pain in a way that is natural and understandable for any regular person. If you set the bar too high then you set yourself up for failure. Don't beat yourself up for being a human. You can't choose that.
Part of dealing with grief is accepting what has happened. To do that you have to let yourself go through the process and the steps as you naturally would.
I hope you find your way in this. I know it is hard.

Since November life has been interesting to say the least.

Starting with Joan's stroke dieing, her funeral on the 3rd there has been more to keep my occupied.

After the funeral on the 3rd of Jan I needed to get out of the house, just for one night. I had a look at an old map of Ontario, Cornwall was only an inch so I got up on the 4th and off i went.

From Kingsville near Windsor to Cornwall is not an inch, its a 8 hour drive up the 401, like what!!

I was having trouble breathing on the way and stopping for fuel was a real chore, I panted through the whole process but i was going come hell or high water, of course I couldn't breathe I was grieving and it was a panic attack.

I got there and i was really having breathing problems, this was a long panic attack.

Next morning homeward bound, I gassed up and hit the 401, who here knows where Trenton is because thats where i stopped to have a pee and collapsed inside the on route services.

Next thing i know Im in an ambulance with the loight and sirens going to Trenton Trauma.

Lots of IV's, a cathaetor which i really enjoyed and another ambulance with the lights and sirens plus 2 nurses to Belleville ICU.

Apparently i was in real danger of expiring in the Ambulance.

I arrived at the ICU, Jesus there was a team waiting for me, off I went to CT.

It turns out I have a Pulmonary Embolism, blood clot in my lung.

So not a panic attack, well it is now i can tell you.

any way iv fluids, and some kind of IV blood thinner to try and dissolve it.

One night i started crying over Joan and pulled out my IV's, dont know why I guess i was not thinking straight.
Anyway the doctor had no seense of humour and put me on a 72 hour psych hold.
no more ivs for me just lots of needles in my stomach wich is. really bruised now. the nurses felt that if it hurt i should have left my IV's alone.

I said sorry and tried to explain that i was upset but all i got was sympathetic faces and more needles.

Any way after a weel Im still panting but im 7 hours from home and my car if in trenton.
I mentioned this to the doctor, he said im stuck here and even talked about pulling me license.

Sod that, i was dressed, sighed out ama and in a taxi to trenton.

I was on the 401 and the Belleville opp phoned, they said to get back to hospital and i politely declined.

They knew what i was driving and they ask where i was, I would have laughed if i could but instead said 401 and refused to say where. i knew what was coming if they knew my location.

Anyway, i got home, had a shower and drove to my local hospital in Leamington 20 mins away.

The admited me immediately and IV'd me up which i didnt touch.

I was in there a about 3 days, I still have the clots butt im on some serious blood thinners.
The nurse saw me shave and had a kitten on the spot, apparently I should never put a blade near my face again unless i want to bleed everywhere.

You go, buddy.!

My Dr. freaked out too, when he found out I was shaving with a straight while on blood thinners . After my first heart attack at age, 47.

Told him, it's the only safe way I know. I'd been shaving with them since I was seventeen. Then showed him pics of the collection.