Thread: Updates...

Originally Posted by kasperitis

Funny what 24 hours can do. I'm not engaged anymore. She kinda freaked out a bit. Called it off.

I take the ring back to the jeweler tomorrow.

What's a guy to do?

It is a big decision not only for you but for her also! Give her a little time to come around. I wouldn't take the ring back myself until I had a nice talk with her to find out whats going on! Make sure she is in the mood to talk though or it could end in disaster.

(Mark my husband wanted me to write you a female perspective...)
Put the ring on your desk in her plain view. Let her talk to you about it. But I wouldn't bring it up. If she sees you still have the ring then she will know where your heart is and you don't have to say a thing. If she ever wants it you can give it to her and if she doesn't let it go. Can't get married unless you are both very sure.

Originally Posted by kasperitis

Funny what 24 hours can do. I'm not engaged anymore. She kinda freaked out a bit. Called it off.

I take the ring back to the jeweler tomorrow.

What's a guy to do?

I'm sorry to hear that, I had the same problem, but she waited till it was almost too late...
You're better off knowing now than after the fact. but still don't get too down about it, give her time and see what happens.
Given a little space, she might come around, you ust have to let her adjust and come to terms with her fears.

Well, I guess I'm too late to say Congrats........give her a little time and see what happens Luke. We're all here for ya!

Originally Posted by JMS

(Mark my husband wanted me to write you a female perspective...)
Put the ring on your desk in her plain view. Let her talk to you about it. But I wouldn't bring it up. If she sees you still have the ring then she will know where your heart is and you don't have to say a thing. If she ever wants it you can give it to her and if she doesn't let it go. Can't get married unless you are both very sure.

To add a male twist to that female perspective:

Don't take the ring back because if she changes her mind and you have to go get a ring it had better be the exact same one. She has every flaw in that diamond and every streak on that gold memorized so you had better have it for her if she wants it. Even a bigger one wont do at this point.

Oh man, thats a roller coaster. Keep in mind women keep track of your reactions to this kind of adversity. Stay strong and cool man! We've got you if you need to vent! Just let her know you'll love her for who she is, ring or no ring, and hang tough.

Originally Posted by AFDavis11

Oh man, thats a roller coaster. Keep in mind women keep track of your reactions to this kind of adversity. Stay strong and cool man! We've got you if you need to vent! Just let her know you'll love her for who she is, ring or no ring, and hang tough.

That pretty much sums it all up. Don't rush back to the jeweler with it, give it a little while. Of course you don't want to wait indefinitely, but at least show her that you're willing to wait if necessary. I'm sure she's special so you don't want to just drop it. Take heart, and feel free to vent here. The women make us all crazy

So sorry to hear that, brother. Like the other's have said - just wait until things settle down a bit. You have to remember that while you had weeks of mulling this over in your head before you asked her, she had to make a decision on the spot...she may yet come around...just try not to say or do anything in the heat of the moment that could ruin the future. It hurts like hell now, but better to be on the side of caution.

If you need to vent, we're here for ya buddy.

Keep your chin up.

Mark

Originally Posted by JMS

Make sure she is in the mood to talk though or it could end in disaster.

+1 on this.

Whenever there is a real issue I want to talk about (as in, me and my wife disagree) I have to wait for the right time to bring it up so that we can discuss it in a non volatile mood.

Trying to discuss things at the wrong time will lead to a disaster. You have to learn to read body language and understand it. I wish it was different, but there is nothing I can do about it.
Wait for the right moment and then talk until you both know where you're at.

Also, my wife really doesn't like surprises. I have learned not to try and surprise her with things out of the blue because she really doesn't like it.
When we decided to marry we talked about it in advance.
I only formally proposed the day before our wedding.

the thing with jumping this on her is that you've had months to think about it, and she has to come up with the answer on the spot.

I hope everything turns out ok.

So sorry to hear this. I was also about to jump in and congratulate you, and then realized I'd come in too late for that.

But--lots of good counsel here, to which I can't add much but my own support. I'll second (or third, or whatever) the advice not to take the ring back just yet. Don't be too quick to take this as "no" before you absolutely have to; it seems to me (from my safe distance, of course) to be much more a "wait, I don't want to make this big decision in haste."

~~Rich

I think the fundamental question here is this: Did you two talk about this before the proposal?

If you never talked about it before, then it is reasonable for her to change her mind.

If you did talk about it in the past, well it is my belief that women think about the marriage-potential of their mate *long* before men do. I'm sure she sized you up after the first couple of dates. If she is backing out, then I don't think she is ready for marriage.

I don't think she had to come up with an answer on the spot, she made her decision a long time ago.

Just my two cents. I want nothing but happiness for the members and their loved ones here on SRP.