Thread: Zingers, one liners, etc, etc!

Ok guys, I just read a one liner attributed to Groucho Marx that floored me:

"You are only as old as the woman you feel!"

And another:

"I shot an elephant this morning in my pajamas! What he was doing in my pajamas I'll never know!'


The idea of this thread is to provide zingers or one liners that you find amusing, whether they be your own or from a famous comedian or maybe the guy down the street likes to insult you and you have found his comments amusing!


Go to it!!

Groucho Marx, "Animal Crackers"
While shooting elephants in Africa, I found the tusks very difficult to remove. But in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa...

more here

Winston Churchill;

Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Yes, Madam, and you are ugly and I shall be sober in the morning."

"Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?"

George Carlin.

Is that your head or did your neck throw up? Unknown

These are great!!

Originally Posted by nun2sharp

Is that your head or did your neck throw up? Unknown

I heard that one: Is that your head or is your neck blowing bubbles???

I guess you have to be bald to appreciate that one.

Groucho Marx to Harpo Marx in " A Day at the Races"
" Hey don't drink that poison! Its four dollars an ounce!"
dannyr

Don't ever look behind you!

Whatever it is back there it's gaining on you.

Satchel Paige

"Don't let your mind wander....... it's too little to be left alone" --unknown