Thread: Zingers, one liners, etc, etc!

Ok guys, I just read a one liner attributed to Groucho Marx that floored me:

"You are only as old as the woman you feel!"

And another:

"I shot an elephant this morning in my pajamas! What he was doing in my pajamas I'll never know!'


The idea of this thread is to provide zingers or one liners that you find amusing, whether they be your own or from a famous comedian or maybe the guy down the street likes to insult you and you have found his comments amusing!


Go to it!!

Groucho Marx, "Animal Crackers"
While shooting elephants in Africa, I found the tusks very difficult to remove. But in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa...

more here

Winston Churchill;

Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Yes, Madam, and you are ugly and I shall be sober in the morning."

"Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?"

George Carlin.

Is that your head or did your neck throw up? Unknown

These are great!!

Be nice to your kids- they'll be choosing your nursing home

I have more, but here are a couple from one of my favorite comedians:

"At what age do you tell a highway it was adopted?"
"Three years ago my sister was diagnosed with multiple personality syndrome...and there's nothing funny about that. but the other day she phoned me, and my caller I.D. exploded."
"I wonder if deaf people have a sign for "talk to the hand.""

-Zack Galifianakis

Groucho Marx is speaking to a man with 12 children.

Marx: Why do you have so many kids?

Man: Well, I guess I love children.

Marx: I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once and a while.

"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"

"Go back to reform school you little nose miner."

Dorthy Parker:

"This is not a novel to be cast aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

"Ducking for apples. Change one letter and its the story of my life."


So....many....good ones....Can't think...brain overloaded....


-Rob