Do you open doors?

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Originally Posted by WireBeard

Manners are like charity - if you are doing so you can be seen doing it - it has no meaning........
....Again, like Charity - only you know why you do it....

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I'm not taking issue with Wirebeard.
I'm actually agreeing with him


BUT I would argue that charity is done for selfish reasons


people contribute, quite simply, to make themselves feel good
most times they have not thought it out to that point, but it is a fact
Freud called it the need for greatness
or more simply a need to feel important

it has been played over and over in this thread and I think a larger portion of humility would do some of these posters well
they seem awful proud of themselves

" I'm a nice guy because ......."

opening doors no more makes you a nice guy than going to church ensures a place in heaven
the left hand must not know what the right is doing

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Originally Posted by ne1Lax

I live right out of NYC and when I go into a place or leave a place i open the door and hold it for everyone walking through at that time. I hate how Women say that men have no manners like men did back in the day. So when a women walks through and do not say thank you. I Yell Your WELCOME!! This ****es me off so much! ffice:office" /><O:p></O:p>

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I am not in the same habit of saying your welcom. I am more in the camp or when I am in a store or bar that is crowded or not and some bumps or pushes me to get through...and doesnt say excuse me, pardon me, im sorry or the like...I dont care if you are the biggest guy in the room (im pretty small 5'8") or the best looking girl in the bar, I say excuse me rather abruptly and get some really nasty looks from some girls...most guys are @$$es about it and think they are tough...but occasionally you get a soft smile and an Im sorry from a girl or an o my bad bro that seems somewhat sincere from a guy and at least i dont feel that all people are impolite.

Its not hard to say excuse me...even if you do push me to get by...i have to do it too some bars are crowded...but just say excuse me...:shrug:

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Originally Posted by erictski

......and someone bumps or pushes me to get through...and doesnt say excuse me...I dont care if you are the biggest guy in the room ...... I say excuse me rather abruptly and get some really nasty looks from some girls...most guys are @$$es about it and think they are tough...

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I feel like this makes it worse
we already know they are rude, why try to provoke them into further behavior?
if you don't like being bumped into then why would you go to a crowded bar?








that being said...
I laid a guy out for that exact thing the other night
of course he was acting like I slammed into him and spilled his drink
then I did :medvl:
bouncing really helps me release some of that negative energy


you should be careful
there are some real animals out there

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Originally Posted by gratewhitehuntr

BUT I would argue that charity is done for selfish reasons

....

" I'm a nice guy because ......."

opening doors no more makes you a nice guy than going to church ensures a place in heaven

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GWH, I agree that charity is done for selfish reasons, but I would not agree that it's the case 100% of the time or even a majority of the time. If opening doors for people makes you feel good, then I say go for it. But much like how people talk about how much money he/she donated to UNICEF or the Red Cross, if one goes around puffing his chest out talking about how chivalrous he/she is, it defeats the purpose.

I'd much rather have that person let the door close on me then hear them talk about how great they are because they held it open. And no, I don't think this thread makes us all hypocrites because we are talking about our own habits; we were questioned, so we answered.

What I've found (in my limited time here) is that this place is populated with top-notch individuals and I'm impressed with the good will, helpfulness, and generosity that everybody exhibits. So I'm not surprised at the poll results :tu .

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Originally Posted by gratewhitehuntr

apparently I have been deemed inappropriate, perhaps rightly so

I will condense my deleted posts into the most simple, non offensive statement possible

I do open doors

HOWEVER

I take issue with the term SWMBO or anything like it

Women have screamed for equality and to state that SMBO implies dominance on her part

this is NOT equality

and I think this thread asks a much larger question than that of simply opening doors

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Once again, I agree with you here. This thread does ask a larger question. In fact, I think it asks a couple of larger questions. The one I intended to address, is gentlemanly behavior, although feminism is an unavoidable related topic.

As someone pointed out, SWMBO is intended as a jocularism among men. I don't think that most of us view our wives/girlfriends as authority figures who must be obeyed. That would be pretty unhealthy.

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Originally Posted by Oglethorpe

GWH, I agree that charity is done for selfish reasons, but I would not agree that it's the case 100% of the time or even a majority of the time. If opening doors for people makes you feel good, then I say go for it. But much like how people talk about how much money he/she donated to UNICEF or the Red Cross, if one goes around puffing his chest out talking about how chivalrous he/she is, it defeats the purpose.

I'd much rather have that person let the door close on me then hear them talk about how great they are because they held it open. And no, I don't think this thread makes us all hypocrites because we are talking about our own habits; we were questioned, so we answered.

What I've found (in my limited time here) is that this place is populated with top-notch individuals and I'm impressed with the good will, helpfulness, and generosity that everybody exhibits. So I'm not surprised at the poll results .

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I agree 95%
the exception being the occurrence of selfishness as the motivating factor in good deeds

one does not have to realize that they are doing it just to feel good in order for that to be the case
subconscious motivations drive our lives, like it, know it, or not

Excellent post rook :tu

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Originally Posted by gratewhitehuntr

I feel like this makes it worse
we already know they are rude, why try to provoke them into further behavior?
if you don't like being bumped into then why would you go to a crowded bar?

you should be careful
there are some real animals out there

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O I agree that I just am provoking them...in a way I dont care...and in a way yeah I shouldnt...

So far I have been lucky to keep my nose clean and my wife safe.

Just dont go abusing those bouncer privallages :nono: haha

i also open/hold doors for anyone and even the teachers don't thank me, i don't mean to sound self centred but you'd think that they had manners at one point

Well this is an interesting turn in the conversation.

If you do the right thing for the wrong reasons, are you still doing the right thing?

And at what point does it become the right thing to do regardless of motivation.

At one end, if we say for the sake of argument that it's wrong to open doors for people if you're doing it for selfish motivations, how far do we carry that conclusion?

If you dive into a river to save a drowning child, but all you can think about is how this will get you in the news and make everybody treat you like a hero, is that not still the right thing to do?

So, the question becomes, when does the significance of the thing, outweigh doing it for the wrong reasons?

I don't even have a girlfriend or a wife and I almost always open the door for my female friends. Just the right thing to do in my mind, and I'm 19.