Thread: Fathers' Rights in Child Custody and High Conflict Divorce

Considering some of what I have read hear and heard from others I would have to say I was lucky. My first wife and I split while I was overseas, she automatically had custody. A year or so after I got out of military service she called me and asked if I would watch Christina for a couple of hours while she went shopping, this was in 1985, she didnt show back up for another 6 years, being a single parent is quite the sacrifice but it has been well worth it, she has her degree in nursing, a good husband and has given me three of the greatest grandchildren a man could ask for.

Originally Posted by Sailor

Not here. It is very common that people within the same family share totally different religious beliefs (and political opinions as well). It is not unusual that people do not even know what their partners believe. For example, i'm an agnostic and my wife, although namely Christian, rather believes in Nordic Gods (that were really no Gods afterall).
The question of religious belief is highly personal. Not something to make a number and not much to discuss. Just something you believe personally, inside. People are people whatever they believe or not.

That wholly depends on whether you take your faith seriously or not. If you are both devout believers, there will be clashes.
It depends on how far your beliefs are removed from each other, but a devout muslim and a devout catholic have very little in common if they expect the other person to take their pov.

Starting with the marriage ceremony itself, it only gets worse. Do the kids get baptized or not? Do they get raised muslim or catholic?
What if they both think the kid should be raised according to their belief?

If you're both religious but not observant, rather 'laissez faire', then it could work.
However, if you're both serious about your belief, there really is not that much common ground to work with.

Originally Posted by Crotalus

My wife is Catholic, I am Southern Baptist. We had to meet with a Priest before we would be allowed to be married in the Catholic Church.

We agreed that the kids would be brought up Catholic. I knew that I wouldn't have invested the necessary time to it. I'm not nearly the church goer my wife is. We have some religious differences, but we know exactly what they are and we can argue them without anyone getting upset. We agree to disagree.

I also agreed to children. We compromised on how long to wait, her defying the church by using birth control.

It all worked out, going on 36 years now.

True, but you're both Christians. Different flavor of Christianity of course, but the core and the holy writings are the same.
I meant along the lines of Muslim with Christian, Jew with Catholic, Mormon with Hindu, etc

Actually Bruno, here in the states it is not unusual to see Catholic & Jewish marriages as they both are very family oriented. The other examples have me agreeing with you.

Originally Posted by christophe

Also, from those who divorced, are in the process of doing so, or went through a very hard (conflicting) time with their partners:

what topics would you advise a soon-to-be-engaged or soon-to-be-married couple to seriously discuss ??

(for example, career vs family.... etc.)

Money, sex, expectations of household workload, who will earn paycheck when kids are little, will will wife work, debt expectations, desired lifestyle. and any other topic of importance and many which really are not. No topic is really off limits. You are getting married after all.

Jeff

I got custody of my oldest girl 20 years ago. Stayed a single father for the next 9 years. It is a real sacrifice and a lot of work to do well. Work hard and do not work more hours than your children can afford. You can learn to live with less stuff. They can learn to live with less you, but is it wise. Build a solid support structure for yourself, you will need it. Friends and family are now more important than before.

I heard once that children spell love... TIME

Sorry, unsolicited advice. Ignore if you wish.

Jeff

Originally Posted by TURNMASTER

Money, sex, expectations of household workload, who will earn paycheck when kids are little, will will wife work, debt expectations, desired lifestyle. and any other topic of importance and many which really are not. No topic is really off limits. You are getting married after all.

Jeff

Yes. Aside from the things I had already mentioned: anything that is of capital importance to you.
Much of what gets decided in my home gets decided by my wife. I just don't care about the color of the couch, or the type of curtains, or the bathroom faucet, or any of the other 10000 things that my wife has an opinion about.

Free marriage tip: whenever she wants your opinion on any of the things you don't care about, 'whatever' is definitely the wrong answer. Give your opinion in the form of a question 'Do you think that color will match the carpet' or 'Are the cushions supporting enough' or something in that sense. Then let her take it from there. You showed interest, showed that you value her opinion, and let her make the call. That's 3 points ahead without having to do anything for them.

Likewise, my wife never argues about the knives, my workshop, my tools and things like that. She may ask me about them, or ask me to do something, but she never argues about them (she knows I discuss large costs up front). For example, yesterday I was visiting a master smith as part of a tour of old crafts in the area. Despite the freezing temperatures, she waited around while I was talking with the smith (whom I've been emailing with). Then she unexpectedly saw us walking by, carrying an anvil to the car. She wasn't surprised, made no comments, just openened the trunk so we could put it in. In the car, she asked what the story was with the anvil, and we were good.

And then the next stop on the tour was a demonstration by a jeweler. Because that was interesting to my wife and daughters (and to me, but that didn't matter)