Thread: In All Seriousness...

In all seriousness, I've been writing bits of stuff for maybe 15 years now (very few bits) but I enjoy it. This last poem I really like. I myself like all my poems, but they're probably in reality shit. I wouldn't mind your honest opinion; like, don't care, or dis-like?

Show me your best
Show me your best and your best and your adulations
Show me your soft brushes kissing faces
Show me your nation's young steel makers and wine makers
Show me your university students
With satchels and youth
Show me your houses filled with scents and feelings and food
Show me all the houses of the voluptuous wine serpents as well
The scuttles full to overflowing
Show me all your dissertations
All the studied and worked upon ones
The ones that classify, judge and segregate
Show me all your segregations
Show me all your strength and truth and justice and right
But hide from me your wrong.

I'm not a poetry guy, so take this Fwiw, but I rather like it. I'm no judge, because I don't care for poetry as a rule, and I'm grossly uneducated in it. But it's a good one to me. Not pretentious or emotional but full of meaning, a good balance in my book.

Should have left an option for "Don't know". That's about where I'm at with poetry in general.

It is entertaining and well done but don't give up your day job. (just yet anyway)

Carl,
If it makes you feel good putting thoughts to paper & hurts no one, then it's a beautiful thing.
Keep writing Carl.

Keep writing my friend - the world needs more poetry.

It would help me if you gave us some of your thoughts when writing this. I went to my first poetry reading last week and it helped me to hear the author talk about them.

Carl. You're a Poet, but don't know it! Your feet are Longfellows!

anyone remember this thread?
http://straightrazorpalace.com/conve...onderings.html

I dunno Carl. Let me be candid. It doesn't rhyme. First rule of poetry. I think you need to try harder. Look, here's an example of what I mean:

"There was movement in my stomach,
For the food was gurgling around.
And the chilis from last night's dinner were taking part.
They were making painful cramps,
And a weird, bubbling sound.
And I knew there'd be follow through, if I should fart."

And so on and so forth. That was the beginning of one I penned a while ago called "Disaster on Public Transport".

James.

Would that be iambic pentameter? or............shit?

Encore, Jimbo! Encore!