Thread: In All Seriousness...

Carl, I think I echo the sentiments of everyone here when I say you're held in the highest regard among SRP members. Thanks for sharing your poetic musings!

Agreed! A great thread. More poetic stuff is surely required!

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

Yes, I started out all cultured and now it's turned rapidly to toilet humor. Pull my finger.

Seriously though, thanks for the comments. I need to work on it. I want it to be a bit Walt Whitmanish, conjuring up thoughts of a great healthy nation, like early America. And I want it to continue to praise certain things, but then the reader realises that somewhere along the way they're now reading about the less favorable aspects (segregation). I think the second to last line should move further up...

Show me all your segregations
Show me all your strength and truth and justice and right
But hide from me your wrong.

Segregation is not necessarily about people.

I was thinking segregating Strength, Truth and Justice from Wrong.

Does that make sense?

Tim

show me your voluptuous wine serpent

Originally Posted by carlmaloschneider

Yes, I started out all cultured and now it's turned rapidly to toilet humor. Pull my finger.

Seriously though, thanks for the comments. I need to work on it. I want it to be a bit Walt Whitmanish, conjuring up thoughts of a great healthy nation, like early America. And I want it to continue to praise certain things, but then the reader realises that somewhere along the way they're now reading about the less favorable aspects (segregation). I think the second to last line should move further up...

I am slow... I think I can do something with it. I can see it. Gotta try later.
Except the volupuous wine serpent. I went out with her once. YMMV

My apologies. Carl, I like your poem even though it doesn't rhyme You should try to find your own voice. This Walt Whitman may be good at making chocolate but poetry is something personal.

Here's one I call "Saturday Morning"

Mundane.
Bored bored bored...
Tickety clack
Down bright lit alleys,
Follow the leader.
She hunts, I gather -
Two for the price of one.
Chocolate in the wind!
Gather up; secrete.
Nope. Spotted. Damn.
...
Tickety clack.
Bored bored bored...

James.

Yep. Describes a trip to the grocer with SWMBO. tool along and be a yes-man the entirety of the aisles. Don't suggest nothin. just throw your stuff in the cart, in spite of snarls! Right in the midddle is the bulk candy! I grab a turtle or a few covered nuts every time by. I am sure to double-follow her on that aisle!

This poem is familiar, for some reason. The last line brings it all together. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (Proverbs). We all, at every age, need a man that we respect, look up to, and to whom we can turn for wise counsel. For many of us, that man is our father. He can also be others who have left a positive impression in our lives, whether it be a coach, teacher, professor, friend, or whatever. And we want or need to see this man in our ideal, without his faults or weaknesses, because we all have them. Nice work Carl.

Originally Posted by 32t

Show me all your segregations
Show me all your strength and truth and justice and right
But hide from me your wrong.

Segregation is not necessarily about people.

I was thinking segregating Strength, Truth and Justice from Wrong.

Does that make sense?

Tim

Yes. I agree. ALL your segregations. But segregation CAN also have a negative meaning, and that's what I wanted to convey. In fact, I think a lot of time segregation in a negative way is what most people think of; at least I do.

Originally Posted by IamSt8ght

This poem is familiar, for some reason. The last line brings it all together. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (Proverbs). We all, at every age, need a man that we respect, look up to, and to whom we can turn for wise counsel. For many of us, that man is our father. He can also be others who have left a positive impression in our lives, whether it be a coach, teacher, professor, friend, or whatever. And we want or need to see this man in our ideal, without his faults or weaknesses, because we all have them. Nice work Carl.

I like what you say. Yes, I like the last line too. I considered getting rid of it, but can't. Yes, I also like what you say about 'without faults and weaknesses', which is why that last line.
Jimbo, I like your supermarket poem.

Originally Posted by hoglahoo

show me your voluptuous wine serpent

Yes, I'm not sure who or what that is. Just decadence, really. I was watching a documentary on the Doors' album L A Woman the other night. Jim Morrison was a great poet.

Originally Posted by mapleleafalumnus

Carl, I think I echo the sentiments of everyone here when I say you're held in the highest regard among SRP members. Thanks for sharing your poetic musings!

Well that's a very nice thing to say, I couldn't for the life of me fathom why, if true... :-)

Here's a few rhyming ones:

Fish for Tea
by Carl

For tea I’d like bread and fish
Plucked fresh from the ocean and put in a dish.
He'll lie there in the dish and sigh
And seduce us with his merry eye.

He’ll speak later to us that night
Sitting in old leather armchairs and new candlelight.
He’ll tell us all his wild ocean tales
Some involving Humpback whales.

After the stories I won’t want to
Eat him, I just don't think it would be polite to.
So I’ll just have wine and bread;
And take communion with nature instead.


Please Don't Cry
by Carl

Please don't cry
'Cause when you cry
I feel like crying too
Instead run through the forest
Through the dappled light
And when I finally catch you
Laugh with childish delight

Please don't be sad
'Cause when you're sad
I feel like I'm sad too
Instead swim through the waves
Through the golden foam
Into my waiting arms
To feel like you've come home

Please don't be lonely
'Cause when you're lonely
I feel that I'm lonely too
Instead look into my eyes
Through down to my soul
Into my deepest self
To the heart that you once stole

Please don't feel unloved
'Cause when you feel unloved
I feel that I am too
Instead just love everything
Through love you will find peace
Into the warmth and comfort
To find your sorrow has ceased


Crosses and Circles
Bits and Bytes
by Carl


Those crosses and circles we write
We write them together each night
Sometimes there’s two and no more
And sometimes someone writes four
To make them it takes just eight bits
That translates to only one byte
I write them to you
You write them to me
We write them together each night


I wish that our souls could take flight
To fly, meet together one night
Sometimes I wish I could pour
Out my heart and my soul and my more
I wish I could taste all those bits
I wish I could feel all those bytes
I need them from you
You need them from me
We write them together each night


Bits and bytes sound ever so slight
Bits and bytes sound ever so light
You’d think we’d need a few more
Than a million and forty times four
But translate all those little tiny bits
And translate all those little tiny bytes
Our souls DO now take flight!
Our souls DO now meet at night!
And it’s true even if ever
Bits and bytes aren’t not never
Circles and Crosses aren’t even ever
Real