Thread: Thebigspendurs Weekly Shaving Brainbuster #53

Good Morning Shaving Fiends

Well we were outside the national lab watching that rocket traveling off in the distance and Mr Sasquatch was in the back of the Ford fiddling with his array and all of a sudden the thing just disappeared. I asked him what happened. He said he used a can of Gillette pro glide shave foam which when applied to the blade with the right type of energy sends off a plasma cloud-essentially a cloaking device so it couldn’t be tracked and made a soft landing in my backyard. I said what you do that for now you’re gonna get me in big trouble. He said not to worry they can’t track it. So I asked him what he was going to do with it. He said he was planning on modifying it for space travel and he would put some unlucky critter in it and send it to mars. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me and come to think of it the badger started giving him some dirty looks.

Well we got back on the interstate and the missus said she saw in some brochure at the hotel some fancy zoo they have just down the road. It’s some wild animal park where you just drive through. We had the guys hidden in the back. Well we’re a driven through and Jethro begins to notice the animals in the back are bailing out one by one. I guess the chimps saw their relations and ran off and the badger must have seen someone he knew and he took off and baaaby saw some other goats and Sasquatch he said you can see things better if you just go overland on foot. So we completed the tour and figured we’d wait outside the entrance for the others to return. Some security guard starts banging on the side of the truck and says to get the hell out of there someone let all the animals loose and they was attacking the people. The Lions had already eaten a bunch of people and I guess the Elephant stomped a few too. Our guys returned and we left but no one would talk. Eventually that evening we got the crew good and intoxicated and they spilled the beans. They all actually stayed together and Mr Sasquatch feeling sorry for all the caged up animals let them all go while Baaby herded them out of the park. The Chimps just started chasing the people around and when they saw Sasquatch I guess they thought some monster got loose. We passed army trucks headed back there as we left. Oh, the badger? He came back with a new girlfriend.

Well, it was getting late and Auntie wasn’t impressed with that 6 star hotel we stayed at. She wanted something with more stars so this night we stayed at the Super 8.

We ate at some posh restaurant next to the resort called Mc Donald’s. They wasn’t friendly folks there. Just because the chimps went in the back and started throwing these strange looking discs of some kind of meat and these strange potatoes kind of like shoelaces all around the place and Baaaby went in the back and pulled all the trash out and started throwing it around they made us leave. I told the mgr as we left, you folks should serve some real quality food.

We had a full day and we was all tired. This time I told the critters to make sure they didn’t cause a ruckus this night. Mr Sasquatch had his people disguise on so he blended right in but he forgot to put his shoes and socks on and some punk kid saw him and started yelling and his pa went and got a shotgun which Mr Sasquatch twisted around the guys neck and he went outside and got his two big dogs agitated and they jumped out of the truck and when the chimps saw that they jumped out and one grabbed a gasoline powered trimmer the gardener was using and the other grabbed a sickle and lopped the dog’s tail off while the trimmer was used to take the dogs ears off. Yeas those folks left real fast but left all their luggage in their room which we helped ourselves to. They had all this fancy designer clothes I always heard about. They had labels saying Wal-Mart and Kmart. I guess that’s where the rich folks shop.

During the night some alligators were walking around the property and the chimps felt sorry for them and decided to let them in the hotel lobby. When we got up in the morning all we saw was blood all over the place and body parts. There wasn’t much of a line to the free breakfast and there was a lot of extra cars outside. Even the hotel employees were missing.

As we was about to saddle up that Satellite phone went off. It was Festus. He said he didn’t know where he was. He took the wrong plane and wound up in Iran. I told him to take his time and slow down I mean why was he running anyway? Someone gave him a ride into the capitol and gave him some clothes to wear and some guy said he was the Ayatollah and descended from the heavens. They never did see something like him before. They asked him if he wanted his 100 virgins now or later. He said he wanted his goats now. So I guess he’s living in some big fancy church or something and people come to him and ask for advice. I told him to ask for advice how to get to Tobet.

We pulled off the road as there was a swamp there and Auntie wanted us to catch some catfish so we hiked a few miles and while the women prepared things we went to catch some fish. The chimps were grabassing as usual and riding around on baaaby. Well I was just saying to Cletus that we was too far off the beaten track to catch anything when I smelled some horrible odor. I said it almost smells like when we met up with Sasquatch last year but he’s with the women and he don’t smell like that anymore so what is that?

Yes indeed what is that? Do you know what that is? Care to venture a guess? If you’re correct your idea will be in the next shaving brainbuster and you’ll be famous. Why you might win that there prize they give for people who write books, what they call them Arthurs or something? You can even come and visit with us and Cletus will make a custom razor just for you and you can visit with the badgers and ride Mephistopheles and then get an authentic barbershop shave and personal massage from Miss Hogslopper, wow what a deal.

Check back on Friday-I can’t stand the excitement.

Osama from Afghanistan wrote in to say the bad smell is from the inner decay of the Western way of life and he's working on a solution.

The dead body of an alligator?

Methane, either from you, Cletus or the swamp.

Methane has little odor of its own. Stuff is added to the methane used for cooking and heating to make sure that people smell leaks. The odor of swamps, Cletus's farts and dead bodies is caused mainly by H2S (hydrogen sulphide). It is one of the substances that are created when proteins rot in an oxygen poor environment.

Catfish bait, thats some bad stuff. Whether its chicken livers or just the mush they keep in the plastic tubs.

Some good answers but was the smell coming from the swamp or the land and in which direction and what was the wind doing and how high was the barometer?

We don't know the answer to these questions but they are important factors.

One thing I do know. That Kees fella is back and he's mighty clever so you all better watch out for him.

Apparently you were there, Spendur, so tell us more about atmospheric conditions.

Maybe you smelled the Louisiana coast line littered with dead animals due to British Petroleum's oil spill, in which case warm, humid conditions and a sea breeze are prerequisite.

I think the smell came downwind from a mass turtle grave

The answer is really easy and very obvious and staring all of you in the face.