Thread: Are You Game For A Contest?????

Benz, you may have well saved us!

Originally Posted by sharptonn

Benz, you may have well saved us!

Thank you but I really would like to know if they turned that "errant badger" into a brush.

Originally Posted by Benz

Thank you but I really would like to know if they turned that "errant badger" into a brush.

NOOOOOO!

So a number of years ago while I was stationed in Germany I found it time for a hair cut,I wore a high and tight my entire career as a solider.One of my troops said hay sarge they have a new barber down at the px and he seams a little off but gives a good hair cut.Well I jumped in my car and headed down to the barber shop.Went in and bam the open chair was the new guy with a German name and a accent that was hard to understand.Well I sit down and this guy goes to town,gives me a good haircut and shaves my neck and around my ears.He asked me something about wanting the full treatment and I was like Ya I guess so.Next thing I know he slaps a boiling hot towel over my face and starts to massage my scalp with some liquid.Well he gets all done and I get up and pay the man,as I turn and head out the door the fire kicks in and about the time I get to my car the fumes are overwhelming me ! What ever that cat rubbed in my scalp had enough menthol in it to run a multi fuel dues and a half.My head was ablaze my nose and eyes were running like I juscame out of a cloud of cs gas.I start driving back to my company barracks and its bad,I had to drive with my head out the window to keep the fumes out of my eyes and instantly discovered that I needed to put my hat on as the wind in my hair intensified the burning effect going on in my hair.I finally made it witch was no easy task in a standard transmission driving with your head out the window.Ran inside and went straight to the broom closet and doused my head in the utility sink.I did that a few times that day till I got home and took a shower hopping to get rid of this stuff,it must have been oil based and really worked in cause the showed still didn't clear it all up.As I lay in bed that night and looked at my bride with tears streaming down both our cheaks till she told me she could take no more and I slept on the couch.Next morning after another hot shower post PT it steamed to subside.Never sat it that guys chair again as long as I was stationed there but once while I sat in a chair waiting for a haircut I overheard him ask some other poor soul if he wanted the works,I just winked at him and said go for buddy you will never forget it !

Last May while the kid was in school, I slipped away to visit a friend. I had planned on picking her up & taking her to lunch. She’s a Latin lady in her early 40’s, so the only choice was Pinaud. It’s a sure winner for girls in their prime.

Well,, let’s just say we never left the apartment for lunch. I can’t tell you why, because this is a family forum. One thing I can tell you is, after leaving a few hours later; I knew what Ron Turcotte must have felt like after riding Secretariat in the Belmonte Stakes.

I got back on the highway to head toward West Broward for the kid’s track practice. I must have been exceeding the speed limit, as my rear view mirror has the Florida Highway Patrol lighting me up. I pull over to the safety lane & notice a female trooper approaching my 4Runner. Not a good sign,,, you never get a break from the female troopers.

I rolled the window down.

She asked for my driver’s license & registration. Panic suddenly hit me as I realized that I had left my wallet at Ms. Secretariat’s apartment. We had ordered Chinese food after the race & I paid. My wallet was on her kitchen table.

As I tried to explain this to the Trooper, she leaned into my window & took a slow deep breath.
“Out of the car now! “ she said

As I got out, she shoved me back against the 4Runner with one hand & began searching me with the other.

“Where’s it at!” she demanded

“Where’s what?” I asked

She got a little aggressive with her search & asked,
“Is this a bottle of Pinaud in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”

I couldn’t speak, but I knew what she wanted.

“So, no license and speeding. You’ve got a problem here Pinaud Daddy.” She said.

“But we can work something out.” She said

“I don’t have any money on me, remember, my wallet is on her table.” I said.

“I don’t want your money,,, you know what I want.” She said becoming more aggressive.

I knew what she wanted,,, the same thing all women want,,, she wanted the Pinaud.

“I have two bottles of Pinaud stashed in the back seat console.” I said

“Get’em !!” she shouted.

I did.

I stood next to my 4Runner as she walked back to her cruiser & pulled away,, slowing only long enough to shout at me,
“ Till next time Pinaud Daddy !! “

I have never felt so violated, but I’m da&n glad I keep a stash of Pinaud in the 4Runner.

Originally Posted by Benz

Thank you but I really would like to know if they turned that "errant badger" into a brush.

I didn't mention the badger had a friend a racoon and when a badger and a racoon get together, well.....

HIRLAU

Winner!!!

Well,,,, I must confess to the Judges,,,, my Pinaud story has a little fiction, to it,,,, just a little,,

as I do carry some Pinaud in the 4Runner as a backup,,,,,,,,, so in all fairness, to all the sincere entries, I should be disqualified.

But,,,,,,,,,,,,

I still have Pinaud Dreams,,,,,,,,,,

Ed P is probably turning over in his grave now.

Hirlau, I guess it still counts as a story even though it happened after you drifted off, counting Pinaud bottles.

This may be late, but at least it'll be entertaining.

My story is a little complex and needs a little background.

It all started in college, bout 8 years....ago. Wait 8!? Sorry, back on track. I was hanging out with a close friend Brian. He is about 10 years older than me. A goofy man, but a good solid father with two children and a very understanding wife. We were in his garage and I hear his wife scream at the top of her lungs "BRIAN, WHERE'S MY DEODORANT?! I'M LATE FOR ABBY'S (insert some child's thingie here, wasn't 100% sober, cause...college)!!!"

Then it hit me, I noticed the smell...raspberries. So I turn to Brian and say "Dude, are you really wearing her deodorant?" He looks at me calmly and say "You betcha. I would rather smell like spring roses and raspberries than that weird chemical stuff they sell for men." That stuck in my head. Forever.

Fast forward 4 years. I'm broke, haven't been able to get a job in my degree. Dang engineers that got laid off in 2008 were taking all the entry level stuff I was qualified for. But, I had an interview. A reeeeaaaalll nice one. And I'm out of VdH soap. CRUD! It's tomorrow! So, I run to Walgreens. I need some soap and something to help with razor burn. Haven't used a lotion yet. Just water and VdH. Smelling some stuff and none of it sits right. Then I hear his voice, "...that weird chemical stuff..."

So, I run home type in shaving supplies and get AoS, just down the road. Can't wait for shipping. Gotta go now. Have to shave tonight, beard grows slow, I can't look like Hannibal Lector when he stole that man's face to this interview. A night will give me time to do whatever I have to do to not be bloody. (This was maaaaybe shave 12 with a straight?)

Speed to the mall. Run into the store and see 4 flavors. Yellow, Brown, Blue and ..... Brown. I'm intrigued. Shiny shave chrome dome comes sauntering over. "So, you interested in shaving supplies?" I explain to him my situation and desperate need for something natural smelling. He has me smell each flavor and pick one out. "You're gunna want a travel kit, it's the cheapest kit with everything in it." "But, I protest, I already have the VdH brush..." "Ah, don't worry, it's more expensive without it. Trust me, you need this brush if you've been using that." I pay for my purchase, at some inexplicably small amount and with great gratitude shake the hand of the salesman and take off.

I get home and break out all this "stuff." I've never used any of this. I just peruse STP for help making sure I don't end up sawing my strop to pieces. So I follow the directions laid out by the fore-mentioned salesman. I get through my shave easy as pie. "-expletive- This extra stuff is great!" I grab the little bottle of lotion and try to squirt it into my hand, forgetting the little anti-drying cap. -POP- I get Balm EVERYWHERE. I didn't have to pump again, it was aaaaaaaallll over me. Rub what's on my face around and it feels great! Well, waste not want not. I rub in the rest of it as if it's body lotion. This stuff smells like a lumberjack's dream.

Fast forward a sleep. I wake up, drive 4 hours to the interview, and introduce myself to the secretary. Always be nice to the secretary, they can be the most important person you meet. She smiles big and we exchange a few pleasantries. She comments on my aftershave, she thinks her husband would like it. I tell her, AoS! Nothing can defeat me now, John's on easy street.

Talk to mangers and engineers, answer a bunch of questions and get a tour of the facility. Pretty "country" company, looks like I have to get a shotgun with my first paycheck if I want to fit in. No worries, grew up in WI and had a backwoods roommate that has killed and eaten everything under the sun. He'd practice his turkey calls while doing homework, I know country folk. I look at the clock when all is said and done. It lasted for a whooooole 40 minutes. 20 of that was my questions. WTH?! I get a call on the way....that's strange. "John, we've decided we're not going to be filling the position we interviewed you for." -insert string of expletives post hang-up-.

At least I smelled good.