Thread: Sometimes I get the feeling my father in-law doesn't like me

Hey nate,


Why not take your FIL for a shave or spend some bonding time with him. If you go out of your way a little bit, your charm could well win him over. Failing that, see if you can arrange a calm time to tell him how you feel.



just an FYI, you can buy a house - you just can't buy land by yourself. Most folks in bkk just go condo route which is perfectly legal because there's no land involved. If you put your wife's name on the house deed then she will be deemed to own at least 51% of the landed property. If you need financing, that gets trickier - esp. if your wife doesn't have much credit. So bangkok bank figured an end run around the bull by letting it's singapore branches arrange financing. The downside is that you have to take all the loan app info to singapore but the upside is that you can make payments locally in bkk.

I hope this helps when the time comes.

Good luck!

Originally Posted by ndw76

Jim I think you have hit the nail on the head. This is his house, so he will do what ever he pleases. Also he definitely isn't happy about his favorite little daughter marrying a big bad foreigner. It isn't that he doesn't like me. I think he is scared of me and the ideas I represent. If he tells his family that the sky is purple, then as far as they are concerned the sky is purple. They would blindly follow him to the gates of hell. But I come from a culture where we are taught to think and not blindly follow, and this idea is slowly rubbing off on my wife. Very slowly.
As for house hunting, that is a no go. Foreigners here are not allowed to buy houses and my wife is not in a financial situation which would allow her to buy. So we are stuck here with the in-laws.
I don't really mind it here but I would like it if they acknowledged the depth of my infinite kindness and tolerance towards them.

Hee hee hee....the true martyr's dilemma. How do you get the bastards to acknowledge your martyrdom without becoming a jerk?

Anyway, yeah--I'm lucky, I was introduced into the family by a respected member, so my FIL couldn't be too anti-big scary gaijin stealing his daughter. PLus, he's scared spitless of my wife, so he can't say no to her...but friendly? No, not really possible.

Dude, if your wife is starting to learn "evil foreign ways", it's got to be super hard for him. I imagine he's going to feel powerless in his own home, and without any doubt it's going to fall on you...God help you if your MIL ever starts to realize she doesn't have to be a servant (it happened with us, and it ended in divorce for them and total estrangement from my FIL--and it was, in no small way, related to me...) . I don't mean to sound too forceful, but I really think that either you have to start going along with him, helping him out around the house and doing things you know he wants you to do without him asking, AND showing him your support, or get out...I can only see it getting worse.

Reading all of this makes me somewhat glad I don't have a father in law. Mind you I do butt heads with my mother in law but it has never been a source of contention. Little things like letting our kids eats butter packs at restaurants or some such silliness.

I think you have a lot of good advice in this thread and I also think that finding a place of your own (for you and your wife) may improve you relationship with you inlaws.

I think that, really, you've got to play the game a little bit. But when you're shaving, a calm reminder (perhaps when you're not shaving) that the razor could do quite a bit of damage in a very short space of time if you're nugged or distracted. Asking for a bit of consideration should not be out of the question, I don't think.

Well, I keep all of my shaving equipment in my basement, where there are no distractions. I not only shave my face, but I shave my head, so I like it very quiet (no, I am not a skinhead, I just like the feel of being bald). I only cut my head when my wife comes down and starts talking to me in the middle of my shaving. As far as Inlaws go, I would say avoid them, but I realize you cannot since you live under the same roof. See how long you can take it until you are ready to find a place of your own. I lived with my own dad for about one year, and he was actually good to me, but I needed my own place.

I don't have any issues with my (future) father in law, but I feel like if I ever tried shaving with a straight around my (future) mother in law, she might push me just out of spite.

I don't really have any issues with my in-laws. It's just that sometimes (often) we don't see eye to eye. This is mostly because of cultural differences. My father in-law is a wealthy old Chinese man and the fact that he tollerates me living in his house is a big thing. I guess the best way I can describe my relationship with my in-laws is this. They bug the sh!t out of me, but I love them.

LOL, funny story. Good on you for keepeing your cool. (Hope he doesnt live with ya'... )

At least you only think he does not like you, but I know that my father in law does not like me