Thread: my son is smoking pot

I think Genetics has alot to do with Adictive behavoir.
https://ncadd.org/for-parents-overvi...y-and-genetics

Yes, I have 3 kids and one of them is into it as well as drinking. I have told all of them of my experiences and problems/costs incurred and have flatly advised them that they do, indeed, possess the gene. I try to make them responsible for their actions and take my fair share as well. Then, I threaten to kill them.....

Originally Posted by pixelfixed

I think Genetics has alot to do with Adictive behavoir.
https://ncadd.org/for-parents-overvi...y-and-genetics

Only to broaden the perspective a little, and because it seems logical in some circumstances like alcohol dehydrogenase deficiencies that are genetic, I will argue/debate slightly differently.

A good many alcohol is genetic studies are based in their root arguments on twin studies. Slate provides a simpler explanation that I would give: The methodological confusion of twin studies. If the basic premise is flawed we need to look elsewhere for better explanations. Please give this article some consideration.

My argument follows this line and is based on the oft neglected environment or developmental psychology principle. If a child grows up in a household where the major parental (role modeling) examples are dependent on substances, the child will model those behaviors. If parents use drugs to de-stress or compensate for life issues, the child will see that as a means to deal with their stressors. I.e., if it's good for mom or dad, it must be okay for me.

Okay, that seems that dependent behaviors are genetic. Mom and Dad had the problems therefore it must be that apples don't fall too far from the tree. But the behaviors in this example are entirely learned behaviors. They happened in a household and there appears to be what is called face-validity for the explanation. However, face validity does not explain all the potential variables and is weak all by itself.

Our modern society wants a pill to fix everything, e.g. fast food treatment. They want it to be something that they can't really control like their DNA, then they do not have to be responsible for their behavior or their choices. Being responsible is hell, difficult, the lesser path but far more rewarding to those who achieve it. If you really want to get confused, look deep into AA/NA or "twelve step" programs. There are individuals that AA considers dry drunks. AA cannot explain why they chose to quit drinking, but according to AA, if they did not complete a 12 step program, they are still drunks. But they are not drinking and by definition an addict is deeply involved with a substance. In this case, my thesis (yes, I wrote about this stuff) suggests that the individual can simply tire of addictive behavior, does not want to grow up as an addict, their self-image/identity and self-esteem do not support these continued behaviors and they simply choose not to behave as an addict. The statistical fact remains that some people (strangely enough at about midlife, an important developmental stage) just choose to quit. No one of the genetic theorists can explain that behavior as if it is genetic the behaviors should not extinguish. A developmental approach allows this as a choice and explains more of the populations behaviors than the genetic one. If you allow that genetic studies are flawed, all you have left is the developmental choice approach.

We (treatment folks) may have been wrong all along. Except that economic inertia is heavily invested in keeping the system of sick people going. It would be far cheaper to "treat" children in elementary schools before the addictions began. There would be a lot less dysfunctional addicts to treat later. But then, no one would be making any money on acute/reactive treatment programs.

This does not imply that treatment programs do not save lives. They do. I just have more questions that I can answer about human behavior than they can.

If this discussion makes any one uncomfortable, I am slightly sorry for that, but I am not afraid to question everything. Like so many things, beliefs can be errant.

How hard it must be to raise kids in this world today. It was bad enough in the '60s when the counter culture became a dominant force with young people, but there was no internet then, as fast as it was life was much slower then.

Today with the internet, social media, the perversion of morals in this country, and around the world. How do you influence your children ? Even if parents are offering positive role modelling to their kids, how much time do the kids spend with the parents ?

Peer pressure, relativism .......... there is no right or wrong ........ only what is right for you, or for me, in our own eyes. This is what people are up against. Before the '60s there was a country called the USA where the majority of people were on the same page. That country is a distant memory. Pray for your son. That still does work, even if the majority of the world thinks it doesn't.

I remember when I was younger my father talking to me about the perils of alcohol. He was sober at that time about 10 years (remains so today),
my oldest sister was an active alcoholic (sober today about 11 years) and we have a history of the disease in our family. He basically told me just don't
drink and left it at that. Not very realistic advice.

I've told my kids (13, 11 and 10) that the day will come when they will most likely drink, but to keep in mind that the effect it may have on them
could be different than others. I'm a recovering alcoholic myself (7 years sobriety) and they know that. I've told them that it's a good possibility they
may be alcoholics in waiting and to keep in mind that if and when they start they really need to be aware of where it takes them.

Summed up, let your son know your history and the fact that his buddies may be able to smoke some pot without it leading to anything else, but those of
us who are addicts and a lot of our offspring can never settle for less, it's always "If this makes me feel this way, imagine what more or bigger and
better will do."

The best advice comes from looking back at how we felt in the depths of our addiction, even with family members who have experienced it. The shame,
guilt, remorse etc. Let him know you'll always love him and will always help him if he wants help. Best of luck. I'll think of you and your son
when I hit my knees tonight.

John

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

I'd be looking into his friends and who he's hanging with. That will probably tell you if this is a harmless phase or a prelude into something more serious.

The fact you had a drug problem could mean there is a genetic factor too.

Sound advice. whom he hang out with is a very important factor in all this. If they are a couple of fellow students trying out pot, that's one thing. If he hangs out with small time criminals with a habitual pot use, that's much worse, and changes how you can deal with it.

When I was 19, I drank quite a bit, especially on Friday and Saturday nights. At the time, usually whenever I ended up in bed, the room started spinning like mad. I kinda had to time my drop to make sure I hit the bed when it swung by At my peak alcohol consumption, I drank about 15 Belgian beers per night. Then again, drinking beer is more or less expected from youths in Belgium. After a couple of years I seriously decreased my consumption when I started working.

Also, if you got into trouble, it might be a good idea to tell your son about it.

Originally Posted by edhewitt

i dont know if you will stop him, just make sure he is open with you, its better you know what he is doing. I would tell him about your experiences and explain why he shouldn't get into harder drugs.

Agree with Ed here. He'll stop when he chooses to not when you want him too.

Of the few smack users I knew in my 20's, 2 died & another 2 got 10 years for armed robbery.
I think most of the dope smokers I knew ended up married with kids living 'normal' lives. I stayed single so remained far form normal.

I would say you are better off being open. I think half the reason it seems so scary is because society has mad it scary. I have smoked my fair share and I have friends that still do. Of them, none of them use any hard narcotics. Many dont even drink. Not a big deal in my opinion.

Open two-way communication pays off much better in the long run. We have to learn to talk to our kids without turning them off, and they have to learn how to have an adult conversation at some point. If we are their teachers, better us because we love them and care about them, instead of their peers or questionable companions who may have a different agenda.

Originally Posted by Mike Blue

Open two-way communication pays off much better in the long run. We have to learn to talk to our kids without turning them off, and they have to learn how to have an adult conversation at some point. If we are their teachers, better us because we love them and care about them, instead of their peers or questionable companions who may have a different agenda.

After a certain age we are not our childrens teachers,we become a pain in the Azz to them,this to will pass,when the kid gets into the workforce and realizes he cannot be stoned all the time,he/she will stop..