Thread: The loss of common courtesy?

(rant mode on)

I had an interesting thing happen to me today. My post office branch is at the end of a small strip mall and there are perpendicular parking spots in front off of a two way driveway. I had finished my business and was in my car getting ready to leave. I had the car in reverse (back up lights on) and had started to back out of the space and some lady in an SUV zooms up on the street right behind me, blocking me in. She opens her door and, leaving the car door open, walks over to the mail box to put her mail in. There are now 5 or 6 cars backed up behind her now and I'm sitting there nearly half way out of the parking spot while she takes her sweet time walking back to her car. I'm giving her my best What the f*#@!!! look as she walks by my car, gets in her truck, taking her time to carefully put on her seat belt and then speeds off. Mind you, there's a couple of open parking spots right in front of the post office but I guess she was in too much of a hurry to bother with parking and I guess she felt she could just block me (and a couple of other cars) plus hold up several others while she does her business since it would only take a second. I thought about getting out of my car to ask her what the hurry was but thought otherwise because she's the sort of person that would probably call the cops and say I was menacing her or something. What the heck is it with people these days? In the 18 years I've lived here in LA, I've never had that happen.

It's just this society that we live in. It's focussed on individual rights to the point of obsession. Therefore we stop thinking about what are actions are doing to others and just focus on our own thing. For that reason you see people being rude to sales people/wait staff (I want it my way and I want it NOW), moving roadblocks in left lanes on the highways, a greater focus on sex than on romanticism in relationships and a whole bunch of other symptoms.
People basically say: I'm just doing my own thing, not doing anything illegal. Since I can get away with it from a legal standpoint, why would I bother with morality of my actions?
Another thing to blame is the way we've been using our legal system. We try to legislate our morality with our laws. Therefore you have people trying to pass laws regulating pornography, obscenities (*), abortion, prostitution, religious content in classrooms etc etc etc... Therefore, people are beginning to equate legality with morality, thus the attitude "If what I'm doing is not illegal, it's not immoral."
That is why closer-knit societies, whose laws are just meant to keep things running without people how to act if they're not hurting others get along better. You don't ask yourself if your actions are legal.. You ask yourself if your neighbors will think you're a jerk b/c of what you do.

(*) My special beef is with obscenity regultions on North American television. If you see a couple of people having sex on TV, it's like OH NO but if you see a person blowing another person's brain out, it's perfectly OK to be shown on cable TV. Therefore our society thinks that shooting people with guns is more permissable than something so sick, twisted and unnatural as two people making a baby. Give me a F****** break!

I could rant on about this for way too long. Simply put, I think the biggest problems are lack of discipline at home, school, and in today's "hurry up" world, too many people are wearing blinders and can't see anything around them.

RT

It's so true and it IS slowly getting worse from my perspective as well. The astonishing thing about the kind of 'rugged individualism' that Ilja is talking about is that it not only makes others miserable, it makes the individual responsible more miserable too. Too many people have lost sight of what is truly valuable and what prosperity should mean.

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few ... or the one."
Mr. Spock

X

Ed...

In my declining years I've grown to be less tolerant than you. I would have continued to back up and innocently knocked her headlight out with my bumper. When the cops show up, maybe she could explain why she left her car unattended in a traffic lane.

I do not allow rude people to go unchallenged. One of my pet peeves is holding a door open for someone and they walk past like you aren't even there. Loudly, I always say to the back of their head, "HEY, NO PROBLEM... YOU'RE WELCOME".

But for the most part... I think it's a California thing. Moreso than it would be in other states. I seem to always be pleased with the manners of people of any of the states below New York. No offense, Rich, but you guys are as bad as Californians. I take that back. NY residents aren't rude... they just don't care.

It's a good thing I don't go out much...

Originally Posted by urleebird

But for the most part... I think it's a California thing. Moreso than it would be in other states. I seem to always be pleased with the manners of people of any of the states below New York. No offense, Rich, but you guys are as bad as Californians. I take that back. NY residents aren't rude... they just don't care.

It's a good thing I don't go out much...

Bill,

I am sorry to say I can't disagree with you. I find this very difficult for me because I was raised by people who showed respect to others. I remember before I went to Paris 12 years ago people telling me the French were rude. I came back and told them they were just New Yorkers who spoke French. I also traveled for business in the US a while back and found in most big cities people where much nicer than in NY. They would say excuse me and good morning; for a while it blew my mind. I would find that after afew weeks away I would end up saying excuse me and good morning when I returned. Good manners and concern for others are taught by parents and society so keep on yelling at those inconsiderate people who walk through the doors without a thank you, I do...

Originally Posted by RichZ

...Good manners and concern for others are taught by parents and society...

Words of wisdom right there. I get to hear from my wife about all the little brats she has to put up with at her teaching job. She teaches 8th grade language arts and these kids shove each other in the halls, talk back to their teachers, sexually harass the girls (in the case of boys) and call it flirting, and yell at each other across the room in the middle of class while my wife is talking. I could never make it as a teacher because I would have thrown one of these kids through a window within the first week.

Anyway, for the most part I see and meet very polite people here in Portland. People hold the door for each other, they smile and acknowledge other people, say hello, and seem to give a damn as to how you're doing. I had the same experience in Montana when I went to college, so I'm wondering if it's something to do with regional cultures. On the other side of the coin, you see people going to operas and "formal shows" in jeans and a t-shirt so that isn't always a good thing.

Now my wife is telling me about this absolute nonsense called "attachment parenting" where the parent never puts their kid down and coddles them. No discipline, just lots of love. What kind of idiot dreamed up that insanity?

Alright, here's one:

As I was crossing a busy 'T' intersection in Toronto a lady was appoaching and preparing for her right turn. She did to things wrong. 1. Rolling Stop. 2. Didn't look right long enough to see me. As a result she plowed right into me with the side of her car. I managed to keep myself from sliding under by hammering my hand against her windshield. That's when she noticed me and jammed on the breaks. I've been under a car before and it was none too much fun that time. I don't want to repeat the experience. Needless to say I was livid. She managed to come to a halt a few metres away as I was walking after her. She even rolled down her passenger side window to engage with me in a less physical manner. Now I would have been perfectly within my right to tear a strip out of this woman. After all she hit me with her car (thankfully unhurt) but almost succeeded in running over me. Instead of screaming like a madman I simply told her, "You really gotta watch where you're going. Don't be in such a rush 'cuz next time it might not turn out so good". She appologised profusely and went on her way.

By not losing my head, and it was tough not to, she can't blame me for simply being an arrogant prick. She was unencumbered by an irrational emotional response and free to confront her potentially tragic error honestly. I hope she has taken that experience to heart. It's a technique I developed as an urban cyclist. The last thing we need is another motorist who feels justified in endangering "@$$hθ|ε" cyclist "taking up the road".

Of course other times I just scream as I'm going by something like, "Pick a lane" or, "Get off the phone"! I guess we can't all be perfect all the time.

X

Originally Posted by mgraepel

"attachment parenting" ... What kind of idiot dreamed up that insanity?

The one proud as heck about their model citizen children.

It people like that driver that keep me driving my lifted F250 pickup instead of getting a nice bmw or lexus, I might not look as stylish or professional, but I am damn safe.

Originally Posted by mgraepel

Words of wisdom right there. I get to hear from my wife about all the little brats she has to put up with at her teaching job. She teaches 8th grade language arts and these kids shove each other in the halls, talk back to their teachers, sexually harass the girls (in the case of boys) and call it flirting, and yell at each other across the room in the middle of class while my wife is talking. I could never make it as a teacher because I would have thrown one of these kids through a window within the first week.

Anyway, for the most part I see and meet very polite people here in Portland. People hold the door for each other, they smile and acknowledge other people, say hello, and seem to give a damn as to how you're doing. I had the same experience in Montana when I went to college, so I'm wondering if it's something to do with regional cultures. On the other side of the coin, you see people going to operas and "formal shows" in jeans and a t-shirt so that isn't always a good thing.

Now my wife is telling me about this absolute nonsense called "attachment parenting" where the parent never puts their kid down and coddles them. No discipline, just lots of love. What kind of idiot dreamed up that insanity?

I agree. Now, the NBA finals...

RT