Thread: Problems? Ask Aunty Jimbo.

"Incestuous" in Kentucky writes:

Originally Posted by sharptonn

Dear Aunty Jimbo,
My mother just informed me that I am my own Grandpa. What is the meaning of this? It seems impossible,


I hope you can tell me!
Bruce

Dear "Incestuous",

It is conceivable that, through a series of marriages, divorces, and subsequent remarriages in the correct order to the correct people, you can in fact end up as your own grandfather.

This reminds me of a conversation I once had with George W. Bush. George told me that he once visited the queen of England and asked her how she had so many clever MPs.

"I always asks them one question,", She said, "and if they get it right they are hired."

George asked her to demonstrate that question for him.

The Queen looks at Tony Blair and says "Tony come over here. Tony, brothers and sisters you have none, who is your fathers son?"
Tony Blair says "Why of course that is me."

This impressed George immensely, and as soon as he got back to America he asked John Kerry, "John! Brothers and sisters you have none, who is your fathers son?"

"I don't know", says John Kerry.

"Ha!!" says George. "It's Tony Blair!"

Aunty Jimbo.

Originally Posted by Jimbo

Dear "Dark Matter",

I recognise that car. Next time you young hoodlums come around here doing burn outs on my lawn I will take you out!

Aunty Jimbo.

Dear Aunty Jimbo,

Sorry, Mea maxima culpa! Uncle Sid across the street was the actual target. We got directions to the 3rd house on the left. The directions started in the West and we came from the East.

Dark Matter

Dear Aunty Jimbo,
we have a mad ranga for a prime minister, the pc crowd are overrunning me and I can only roll and grease so many paper cartridges in a day, what can I do?






Desperate and probably not to bright.

Dear Aunty Jimbo,

I can't sleep at night, questions going through my mind, can you help with any of them?


If nothing sticks to teflon what makes the teflon stick to the pan?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?

If people from Poland are called ""poles"" are people from Holland called ""holes?""

Can you cry under water?

Is there an abbreviation for the word abbreviation?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

What is another word for thesaurus?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

What do they use to ship styrofoam?

When sign makers go on strike, what do their signs say?

Is it okay to shoot tourists during tourist season?

Why can't we tickle ourselves?

Why does the word 'monosyllabic' have five syllables?

Why do they call a building a building when it is alread built?

If seven-elevens are always open, why do they have locks on their doors?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

If honesty is the best policy, then is dishonesty the second best policy?

When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?

Allow me to try and answer a few:

Originally Posted by easyace

I can't sleep at night, questions going through my mind, can you help with any of them?

If people from Poland are called ""poles"" are people from Holland called ""holes?""
--Only in the red light district of Amsterdam.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
--They're just behind schedule building the bridges.

Is it okay to shoot tourists during tourist season?
-- It is in the U.P.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
--Yes. It's called "teamwork".

If honesty is the best policy, then is dishonesty the second best policy?
-- Sure! It's how lawyers and agents make a living.

Hey Maple, does that shooting tourists in the UP include trolls such as myself?

Originally Posted by McBrautigam

Hey Maple, does that shooting tourists in the UP include trolls such as myself?

ABSOLUTELY!!! The biggest bait pile in use is the Big Mac bridge!

Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

"Desperate" in Walcha writes:

Originally Posted by heelerau

Dear Aunty Jimbo,
we have a mad ranga for a prime minister, the pc crowd are overrunning me and I can only roll and grease so many paper cartridges in a day, what can I do?

Desperate and probably not to bright.

Dear "Desperate",

I suggest you move to Queensland. By the time the "Premi-Mayor" is done with this state the rest of Australia will feel like a paradise in comparison!

Aunty Jimbo.

Dear Auntie J
Do you think frogs have water tight rectums?