Take your work seriously but yourself lightly
-- C.W. Metcalf,
American writer
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Take your work seriously but yourself lightly
-- C.W. Metcalf,
American writer
My MOM always told me. I can get Happy in the same pants I got MAD in !!!!
I don't always use self-checkout, but when I do, there is something unexpected in the bagging area.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate.
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock today."
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
"She got her good looks from her father; he's a plastic surgeon""
"I can smell it from your voice"
The doctor suggested I start drinking scotch more often.
Did I mention I go by "The Doctor" now?
"When in doubt, whip it out".
When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
You have a full length mirror??Quote:
Originally Posted by broger
don't know how many will get this , but here in the oilfield , as the young man just got thru working harder than he ever thought possible, soaked in grease sweat , bloody hands ,didn't get to eat his dinner because they done threw it in the pit ,and been called more names than he even knew were in the English language, then got knocked on his butt walking across the floor by the tongs ,, and I just looked at him and said " SO YOU WANTED TO WORK IN THE OILFIELD" tc
Moral mileage is often different than common sense!
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Only if is a Siamese twin!Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrank
Just too funny not to share. Given the recent incursion of Massholes in Florida, it's a dialect I hear quite often, wicked pissah!
Attachment 156171
Happy Single's Awareness Day!
Enjoy watching The Notebook with your cat.
I have two:
Give me ambiguity...or give me something else
Patience: A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Then yes, you have.Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrank
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.
I'm going to be famous, my doctor told me the good news. I am going to have a disease named after me ...
Would I go to see a podiatrist or a proctologist to remove a foot from my ass?
You remind me of someone who used to bother me.....
A man stopped me in a crowd and said "Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else"
I said "I am"
I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one
My family doctor is always drawing my blood so I ask one day, "Hey Dr Acula, Why are you..........".
Blood will tell!
~Richard
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work
its way through Congress...
Why do we need toilet paper commercials? Who is not using this stuff?
so very true !!!! :rofl2:
I can skin a buck, run a trot line, and a country boy can enjoy a Classic Shave !! :tu
I don't always suck at trash talking, but when I do, I immediately afterwards think of awesome comebacks.
I happen to be the most interesting nitwit in the world, so there......
If one person has an imaginary friend, it's insanity. If a bunch of people have the same imaginary friend, it's religion?
Often the conversations between my selves improve upon my surrounding; one advantage to a split personality!
My MOM always told me. I'm going to whip you until you PEE your pants, then whip you for PEEING your pants. :whipped:
I hate when I run into people I know at the grocery store and they are like, "Hey man, what are you doing here?" I just want to be like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants...":gwh:
I had a friend who was addicted to brake fluid but he always insisted he could stop any time he liked
