how about sharing some good family friendly jokes? I will get started, and it's even forum related!
What did one razor say to the other?
- wow you are looking sharp today
I know, I know...
If you have one that's better share it here!
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how about sharing some good family friendly jokes? I will get started, and it's even forum related!
What did one razor say to the other?
- wow you are looking sharp today
I know, I know...
If you have one that's better share it here!
Sadly, I don't know any clean jokes.:confused:
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"
What is a ghost's favourite food? A sand-witch.
How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge? The footprints in the jello.
Why do doctors recommend you do not eat Christmas decorations? Because you'll get tinsel-itus.
Why did the octopus blush? Because the sea weed.
James.
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint its toenails red.
I thought elephant in the fridge was footprints in the butter?
what did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
two cannibals in a forest are eating a clown, the one says to the other,"does this taste funny to you?"
What is the name of a man with no arms or legs that is laying in front of a door?
-Matt
what is the same man is floating in a pool?
-Bob
The OP said clean jokes not ancient history stuff. The last time I heard some of these I think it was Henny Youngman who told them and he's been dead for 20 years.
Har har.
This one is probably pushing it a little, but I remember my nieces and nephews loved it when they were 5 or 6.
What do you call a man with 20 rabbits shoved up his butt? Warren.
James.
What is the name of two guys with no arms and legs standing each side of a window?
- Kurt and Rod
What is the name of a man with no arms or legs that is lying beside a hole in the ground?
- Doug
What is the name of a man with no arms or legs that lying inside a hole in the ground?
- Phil
What is the name of a man with no arms or legs stuck to the wall?
- Art
here's another of my favorites,
You all know who Ghandi was right? He was a spiritual leader who spent most of the time walking around barefoot which made his feet hard and calloused. He also fasted often which made him week and caused bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
A neutron walks into a bar & asks "how much for a beer ?"
Barman replies " For you, no charge."
You thought this post would be funny ?
Q : Where do watermelons go for holidays ?
A : John Cougars melon-camp !!
Maybe this is borderline, but here it goes...
What did the ghost say to the bee?
Boo bee!
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
OK, so why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the monkey!
(There is something very very wrong with me because I cannot keep a straight face when I tell that poor excuse for a joke.)
A Shetland pony walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says excuse me. The Shetland pony says I would like a drink. The bartender says you have to speak up, I can't hear you! The Shetland pony says "Sorry, I'm a little horse."
A termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bar tender here? "
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino. (Elll if I know)
Technically this is not a joke but a true story told to me by a former co-worker. (Disclaimer, I think I wrote this once before in the forum.)
The day a father learned he had to change his ways...
Rick was working on his car in the garage one day when his young daughter came in and asked if she could help. He said "sure, honey."
She bent down, picked up a wrench, tapped a hubcap with it three times, threw it to the concrete floor, yelled "Son of a B#TCH," and stomped back out of the garage!
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.
I knew an Irish woman with one leg, her name was Eileen.
I knew a Japanese woman with one leg, her name was Irene.
Two blondes on opposite banks of a raging river.
1st blonde..."Excuse me, how do I get to the other side?"
2nd blonde..."You're already on the other side you stupid cow! "
There was an awkward moment at the feminist picnic.
No one made sandwiches.
World's shortest Joke ever is when Doctor asks: How's your headache?
Patient: She is fine!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
No guts. (From the bottom of an old Jolly Good soda can)
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
An attractive young lass walks into the doctor's office and says "Doctor, I have a problem: I pass gas all day long. It doesn't smell or make a sound, but is still quite embarrassing". The doctor prescribes some horse-sized pills and instructs her to take 3 daily and return for a visit in a week. A week rolls by and she returns, saying "Doctor, those pills you gave me don't work, I am still passing as much gas and now it smells horribly". The doctor replies "Good, we have taken care of your sinus problem, Now we can move onto your hearing".
People who say they suffer from constipation are full of poo.
What do you do when a chemist dies? Barium
What's 2 banded & smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit's shave brush,,,,,;)
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come to you.
An elderly couple are in church
The woman passes a note to her husband that says, "I just passed a silent fart, what should I do?"
He turns the paper over and writes, "Get a new battery for your hearing aid".
Two biscuits were walking down the road, one got run over.
The other one said "crumbs"
My hope is to one day pass away like my grandfather....peacefully in his sleep.
Unlike all the screaming passengers in his car.....;)
Why was the cat scared of the tree?
because of its bark
Where do dead biscuits get buried?
Crumpits
What did the zero say to the eight? "Nice belt!"
How do you catch a bear?
You dig a hole and burn a campfire in it all the way down to ash.
Then you sprinkle peas around the edge of the hole.
When the bear goes to take a "pea" you kick him in the "ash-hole"
<insert nervous fake laughter here>
An elderly couple are laying in bed watching TV when the Mr. Lightly caresses the Mrs. up one arm, around her neck and head, then down the other arm. Just as the Mrs. Is beginning to enjoy the long awaited gentle touch of her husband he stops. "Why did you stop?", she asks. To which he replies, "cuz I found the remote."
at what age should you tell a highway it's been adopted?