I would not use the number 288.
I won't tell you why because it is two gross.......
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I would not use the number 288.
I won't tell you why because it is two gross.......
Two blondes on opposite sides of a raging river..
Sharon yells " Excuse me, how do I get to the other side?"
Karen looks over and yells back
" You're already on the other side you stupid cow.."
President Biden was told by an aid that 3 Brazilian people had just died of covid and he started crying hysterically. After he calmed down he asked his aid, "Remind me. How many zeros in a brazilian?"
One good blonde joke deserves another:
A blonde announces she's going to become the first female astronaut to land on the sun.
An interview says; You can't do that! You'll be incinerated by the heat of the sun long before you get there.
The blonde replies; I'm no fool! I'll be landing at night! :w
I think the punch line qualifies this joke for this forum.
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old,fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
My son came home distressed, his teacher said he was failing his ethics course.
I suggested slipping him an envelope with a $50 in it..
How Women have changed over the years.
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....
The Geography of a Woman as she ages:
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially
for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.
Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all-conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.
Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
and takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia.
Ruled by a pair of nuts!
I was talking to a young guy in his 20s that worked for me years ago when I was still in my mid-late thirties. I mentioned how when I was younger I thought that 30 was old and that Iight as well go jump in the grave. To this he shook his head in agreement like,."Yeah. And?"
I replied that it is actually serendipitous because there is only one thing you can think of in your youth to which he conceded. I told him, "It's not that you don't still think about that. It's just that you can now also think about something else." This was still foreign to him. I told him not to worry. In time he would understand.
How much does a Mohel charge for circumcisions?
.
.
.
.
Nothing. He works on tips.
There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me 'Onestone' again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that anymore.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that 'Onestone' meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, 'Onestone'.....
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,
I made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why ???
OH, come on... Take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
Everyone knows..
You can't kill Two Birds
With
One stone.:rofl2:
That was a good one.
A small Indian boy asked his father;
Father, I notice that the white boys have names like Bill, Davy, Chester and so on. We Indian boys have names like Running Elk, Raging Bear and Big Tree and so on. Why?
The father replied, the White men names are after someone whom they know while the Indian fathers name their young after the first thing they see after conception. Does that answer your question Burning Rubber?
A guy goes into a barber shop for a shave. The barber puts two small balls in his mouth, so that the customer’s cheeks are filled-out and he can give a closer shave.
After he’s finished shaving the guy, the customer says, "Wow, that’s one of the best shaves I’ve ever had; but tell me, what do you do if one of your customers accidentally swallows the balls?"
The barber replies, "That’s never a problem. I always get them back the next day."
I thought Monkey Pox was a hoax, then I saw their face, now I'm a believer
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This made me laugh.
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That's great. I bet the boys in prison really loved it.
I got a free joke when I bought lemonade from some kids with a stand. I'm easily amused..
What does the mermaid wash her scales with?
Tide
Hahaha!
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What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
Iron Man is a superhero..
Iron Woman is a command!
Why do brides wear white?
So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances!
So yesterday in traffic I saw this woman that had a bumper sticker that said, "choose kindness."
I was so moved by it that when we got to the light I pulled alongside her and rolled down the window and said to her,
"HEY!...UP YOUR'S LADY!"
A man goes in for a job interview. He sits down with the manager.
The manager asks, "So, tell me three positive things about yourself."
The man responds, "Well, I am really focused to get a job done efficiently and correctly, I work well with others, and I don't spend time with office gossip."
The manager says, "That all sounds wonderful. Now tell me one negative thing about yourself."
The man responds, "Well, I'm brutally honest."
The manager says, "I don't think that being honest is a negative."
The man stands up and shouts back, "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK!"
We're getting sloppy guys.
Before you post here ask yourself is this a really "Clean Joke" or is it gonna pi**off someone with good reason.
I'm not gonna remove the bride "joke" but if we had women on the site you'd get an earful.
I understand.
I work in a hospital that is definatly a female dominated society.
Not the same as around here.
:rofl2: I'm never going to look at Harrison Ford in the same way again.
A mother and her toddler are walking on the beach. Suddenly a large wave crashes on shore and sweeps the child out to sea. The mother, distressed and distraught, looks toward the sky.
"Please!", she shouts toward the sky, "If anybody is up there, please save my child!"
Suddenly, the clouds part and an Albatross swoops out of the clouds. The large bird flies directly toward the child, grabs the toddler with his large bill and flies him to safety right next to his mother, depositing the child gently at his mother's feet.
The mother looks at the child and then looks back up to the sky and says, "Excuse me, but I think you forgot something. My child was wearing a hat!"