The more you take away the larger it becomes. What is it?
A hole.
Printable View
The more you take away the larger it becomes. What is it?
A hole.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack...
one of my Mexican friends is a magician. Yesterday he had to show me a new trick. He said "watch this, on the count of three i will disappear. Uno, dos" and poof! he was gone without a tres!
Did you hear about the lady that backed into the airplane propeller? Disaster.
What I meant to say was ,,,
Attachment 313259
Someone stole our doorbell last night. I'm not too upset but it has had a knock on effect.
someone broke into my garage last night and stole my limbo pole. I mean, how low can you go?
Supplied by a friend:
Attachment 314627
My wife is a seismologists
She is great at finding faults
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer... and a mop.
A pessimist, an optimist, and an engineer are sitting at a table when a waitress puts an 8oz glass on the table with 4oz of water in it.
Pessimist: that glass is half empty
Optimist: that glass is half full
Engineer: you're both idiots. That glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"
I’m an admitted math nerd so don’t encourage me by liking this joke or you may see way more of these than you want.
This one came from an internet collection at https://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html
I warned you, but Geezer “liked” the last one, so ...
The computer scientist entered the shower and started to shampoo his hair following the instructions on the shampoo bottle, “lather, rinse, repeat”. The police found him dead in the shower the next morning.
He did it again. Last one for today.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
https://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/6.html
I know the feeling, Richard. Being a mechanic most my life.
The engineer designs it, the mechanic makes it work.!
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
https://www.engineering.com/Designer...ing-Jokes.aspx
From the same source at https://www.engineering.com/Designer...ing-Jokes.aspx
Attachment 316230
I heard that there was an explosion at the Charmin toilet paper factory; there were no deaths but a lot of soft tissue damage.
At the 9th(!) wedding of an acquaintance, I was asked why the groom kept taking the plunge.
Reply: "He just loves that new wife smell."
Topical —
Attachment 317778
You can easily tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in a glass of water. If it sinks, then it is a girl. If it floats then it's boy ant.
Good one. Even I got this one and had a good chuckle.
So this guy tries to get into a fancy place but he can't get in because he doesn't have a tie so he goes out to his car and wraps his jumper cables around his neck . The Maitre D says to him "alright I'll let you in. Just don't start anything."
An exciting investment opportunity! Get in on the hottest trend!
Attachment 318049
An outcome of self-isolating?
Attachment 318153
Q..
What do you call 100 politicians at the bottom of the ocean?
A..
A good start...
Everyone join in.
Attachment 318306
Two hillbillies putting up a fence, just hammering away in the hot sun. First one starts to notice his buddy occasionally throwin' a nail over his shoulder and reaching for another.
First hillbilly says, Hey! Whatcha doin' throwin' them nails away?
They're defective, says the other hillbilly.
What?
Yup. The point is on the wrong end.
......you idjit! Quit throwin' them out! We'll use them on the OTHER side of the fence.
Great one Slim!
Love it, slim. :rofl2:
President Reagan was once asked why he was addressing a Future Farmers of America gathering, in Las Vegas of all places.
"Buster" he replied "they're in a business that makes a Las Vegas crap table look like a guaranteed annual income."
From Bob Dole's book Great Presidential Wit
Attachment 319001
I have a time travel joke...but you guys didn't like it.
Time travelers never stand in line!
A bar near Geezers has free beer tomorrow from 2-4 PM.
Sorry, they are out of beer . . . boss not temporally mobile .
Hard days...Attachment 319099