I decoded that!
Leave my sister out of this!
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Oh well!
Attachment 217690
Okay, I just remembered that I used to make up pirate jokes for my scouts (apologies in advance to any pirates who may take offense):
1. What did the pirate do after eating a pot of beans? He fARted.
2. What is a pirate's favorite snake? a GARter snake.
3. What is a pirate's favorite state? (You can surely guess the answer by now!).
This could go on for hours, with groans and many more lame pirate jokes commencing. Feel free to add you own!:HJ
Oh, and my Dad and I used to make up redneck jokes too (with apologies to Camo-Americans):
If you've ever been dropped off at the Waffle House in a limousine, you might be a redneck.
And if you can walk under your truck without bending over, you might be a redneck.
It might help to get these if you've ever driven through SC, Ga, Tenn, NC, etc.
A few more obvious pirate jokes, and this time I'll let you guys fill in the punch lines:
What is a pirate's favorite condiment for fish?
What is a pirate's favorite coin?
What is a pirate's favorite cooking fat? etc.
I guess I knew some clean jokes after all!
Why do pirates wear eye patches?
Because they can't afford iPads!
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Little late for Halloween:
Fright'ning does strike twice...BooBoo
What did the pirates do when they finally came ashore....
They opened marinas..
Boat....
Is not a word, it's an abbreviation for...
Break
Out
Another
Thousand
My mate Gavin just recently died from heartburn.
Can't believe that Gaviscon.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin Catholic
Few people know that Penn Gillette (of Penn and Teller) comes from a small town where two of his aunts run a pie shop. They make great apple pies at low prices. No one else in town can compete with the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
rs,
Tack
!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>!!!:chapeau
They called my Grandpa the exorcist. Whenever he was in your house the spirites would disappear.
How to catch a polar bear:
1. chop a hole in the ice
2. sprinkle peas around the hole (fresh or frozen will work)
3. when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
A cannibal passed his friend in the woods...
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:gaah:
For Veterans Day--
A fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?"
“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The fighter pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Darn thing’s an hour fast.”
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer earlier.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
I'm into fitness. Fitness pizza into my mouth all at once.
Nothing like getting 'fit' in a gym. Raviolis and a Nap! :w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0q6Gc23ZtPA
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.
Should've used aloha setting.
Pizza after John Pinette seems appropriate!
Wish they'd kept my job open at the mattress factory then I'd have had something to fall back on.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue?
You can tune a piano but you can't piano a tuna.
.
.
.
Oh, the glue? I knew you'd get stuck on that.
rs,
Tack
Thanks for that cudarunner! My wife and I roared at him. I like the way he speaks too.I'll have to search You Tube for more.:beer1:
There is at one of full length videos of his live performance (I say nay nay). This is one of the first bits I ever saw him do really poor video quality but the audio humor is great. Hard to beleive that he died at only the age of 50;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUosUk6X9gE
Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them too
I passed gas in a elevator today
It was wrong on so many levels
Y'know how I ran away with the circus when I was little and they made me bring it back? Well, they really liked me.I was the only one who could get the tent back in the bag!
He did manage to lose a lot of weight but I guess the lifestyle caught up with him.
Or maybe God just told him to "get out of the line!"
Google that phrase with John's name if you don't understand. He really was a funny guy.
Speaking of dead earnest, he was a heck of a hard worker and I confess that I thought he was funny!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS-RB-goZqk
At times, we still say "know what I mean, Vern?"
He was a funny man.