Oh, so the dog is Hispanic?
Hilarious..
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What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
The grand opening of the new Lego store was a success. People were lined up for blocks!
As one vulture said to the other, "Carrion, my wayward son."
What does it mean when you see cows sleeping in a field?
That it's pasture bed time!
Do people in Hawaii laugh out loud or is it just aloha?
Do people in Japan greet you by saying O-Hi-O.
I used to have a customer who collected Yugos...:shrug:...anyway he had a bunch of Yugo jokes. The only one I remember is this one.
Did you hear about the gang members in the Yugo?…......................
They were involved in a push-by shooting.
Actually after my old Boy Scout Scoutmaster had survived Iwo Jima (now called Iwo Too) he was part of the occupational force in Japan. He said that at first the streets were deserted as the civilians had been told that they were there to rape, kill and pillage but after a bit they found out that wasn't true and the young kids started to venture out and they would say 'Ohayo and the Americans would say things like 'No, I'm from Idaho or Florida etc'. I believe that Ohayo basically means 'Good Morning'.
So YES I do believe they do. :tu
I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.
How are women and the sun similar?
Sunglasses allow you to stare at them for longer
I want to like that one a few times. Thanks, Tim.
Did you hear that the guy who invented the throat lozenge passed away this weekend?
There won't be any coffin at his funeral.
What kind of linens do gingerbread men use on there beds?
Cookie sheets!
What do deer with no eyes do?
Why search me, I have no-I-deer.
This works better spoken, so read it out loud.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSHHHHHHH
What do you do if the M6 is closed?
Drive up the M3 twice ;)
i am not British but I think I understand!
M6 motorway
Attachment 328089
MN Hwy 10
Good today. Look it up if yo like.
Good at the moment here
mn traffic mpls
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps , cross eyed mosquitoes and bow legged ants. As I come before you,
To stand behind you,
I’m going to tell you a story I know nothing about.
One fine morning in the middle of the night three dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
If you don’t believe the story I just told you ,go ask the blind man who saw it all!
Here's the tune by Dave Delmonte:
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=320831278996495
Lol! I didn’t know there was a song. I’ve been telling that joke since 6 th grade. And that was a long time ago...
I hadn't ever heard the 'Poem' but when I played it for my youngest brother he said a friend of his dad had told the them the poem and that was when they were in high school back in the mid '70's. However he said the friend's dad didn't have as many lines as this song does.
Still quite a tale using contradictions.
Life is hilariously strange sometimes, I graduated in1979! Thanks for the laughs Cuda!
(from a friend's FB page)
Attachment 328488
I have a friend who is addicted to brake fluid, but he says that he can stop anytime.
Jury: "We find the defendant not guilty by reason of insanity"
Judge: "What, all twelve of you?"
My wife and i just got back from the international prune festival!
It was followed by the worlds fastest parade.
A sign hanging on the fence of a farmers field. "You are free to cross my field, but the bull charges "
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
Attachment 330678
... as far as we know. Must keep exploring space.
A bit of humor from a gentleman who was a gentleman and a class act:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IiICcSH8iY
Touching story:
A man had two of the best tickets for the Masters. As he sits down,
another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty.
This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have
a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me My wife always would
come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we haven't
been to together since we got married."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't
find someone else? A friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head.
"No. They're all at the funeral."
''Now that's FUNNY!
This is from an audio of a female Japanese comedian from Osaka Japan, I hope I get it right.---
When I first come to America I only have hundred dollars, but I wasn't homeless, I just find horny old man and moved in with him. He take care of me and one night he ask me very serious question;
"If I lose my job and can't take care of you, will you still love me"? I said sure and miss you too.
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Phillipe Flop
Turkey Hunter
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape the guy was in.
The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up before daylight and out chasing turkeys."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there has got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive...he's a turkey hunter."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said that he wanted to?"
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One's a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean!