Thread: Has Your Wife or Significant Other Done This Yet?

I think you and your wife need to sit down and have a truly heart to heart talk about what the two of you want out of your relationship. Based on your post I see serious problems developing between the two of you and if you don't settle them pronto the gulf between the two of you will only become wider. This goes far beyond money for razors and time spent on the computer. These things are just the manifestations of symptoms.

I wish you luck.

Originally Posted by thebigspendur

I think you and your wife need to sit down and have a truly heart to heart talk about what the two of you want out of your relationship. Based on your post I see serious problems developing between the two of you and if you don't settle them pronto the gulf between the two of you will only become wider. This goes far beyond money for razors and time spent on the computer. These things are just the manifestations of symptoms.

I wish you luck.

Been there done that...Im the talker...she is still learning how to communicate instead of throw a tantrum...its a VERY slow process. Tonight we spent time together cuddling up and watching a movie and I think its just what she wanted.

We had a talk last weekend about the fact that I am not a mind reader and I dont JUST know what she wants or is thinking.....a lot of this is new to both of us...we are working on it...but its a much slower process than I had originally thought.

Anywho, all is forgiven at the moment I am out of the dog house and I will have to control my spending a bit more...and apparently pay more attention to her constantly changing feelings....an impossible task grrr....

Just read your post and offer my sincere condolence and heart felt empathy. Sounds as though you are experiencing the third ring of marriage...the suffer-ring. (tounge firmly in cheek. I think the key to a succesful marriage can be summed up in two words..."yes dear").

Scott (promptly submitting before my wife sees this)

Originally Posted by JLStorm

We had a talk last weekend about the fact that I am not a mind reader and I don't JUST know what she wants or is thinking...

It's been my experience that people are very good actors... especially before they get married (and sometimes after, too). Once the knot is tied they start to let their hair down and a better representation of the real person starts to emerge. She probably controlled some of her feelings before so as to not upset you... and you probably did the same. Now you're both relaxing a little and suddenly things are different. This is likely complicated by the monthly hormone cycle, nesting instincts, etc. on her part and a desire to be in control of your destiny and life on your part.

Some things I learned the hard way... You have to work through these things... it will take you the rest of your life, so find a way to relax and enjoy it rather than fighting it. Compromise is the key. Pick your battles carefully... you can't win them all, and you surely won't change her (nor she you). The only person you control is you. Establishing guilt is a no-win victory.

Originally Posted by azjoe

It's been my experience that people are very good actors... especially before they get married (and sometimes after, too). Once the knot is tied they start to let their hair down and a better representation of the real person starts to emerge. She probably controlled some of her feelings before so as to not upset you... and you probably did the same. Now you're both relaxing a little and suddenly things are different. This is likely complicated by the monthly hormone cycle, nesting instincts, etc. on her part and a desire to be in control of your destiny and life on your part.

Some things I learned the hard way... You have to work through these things... it will take you the rest of your life, so find a way to relax and enjoy it rather than fighting it. Compromise is the key. Pick your battles carefully... you can't win them all, and you surely won't change her (nor she you). The only person you control is you. Establishing guilt is a no-win victory.

I dont think either of us could agree with you more...we are both alpha's and both stubborn and very passionate about things which we believe in, which makes for excellent great times and pretty nasty bad times. At any rate we have figured out how to have a relationship with completely different political views...and Im sure we can figure this one out...but both of us are so used to being in control or at least having the illusion of control in previous relationships, it makes for a VERY slow process and a lot of appologies. I am in no way giving up on her or her on me...its just a big change and a quick one. I was always looking for a woman who didnt bore me...and I found her...but I got the whole package along with it lol

Thanks for the words of wisdom though, they are definitely appreciated.

I didn't read every reply but a couple suggestions.

On the shoe box thing, go to department store and get "rubbermaid" type drawers. They are failry cheap, and keep everything organized at the same time. Much better than a shoe box. I came home one night to find my wife and her sister got bored and organized our whole bathroom cabinet. Turned out very nice and I didn't have to dick with it.

On the money thing she is right. Everyone has bad habits. We used to eat out a lot. Sit down and track every $$ you spend in a month on everything. Do this for six months. It is quite shocking what you can spend on crap u don't need. Not saying your razor collection is crap at all. But for example when you eat out 3+ times a week and you see $400 a month going out the window it puts things into perspective!

There is no feeling like being in cotrol of your money rather than it being in control of you. We are not perfect but are on track. A lot of stress went bye bye when we sold some toys, paid off some bills and started watching things better. If you plan for things it does make it more enjoyable. We are going to Vegas next month and have been saving for a while. Now we will not be fretting about money because we saved it and if we come back with some all the better if not, then that was what it was for. No nasty credit card bills to bite you in the a** later.

Do yourselfs a favor and pick up a copy of "Financial Peace" by Dave Ramsey. We do not follow his system to a T, but we are getting better. He is a little bit of a bible thumber, but a very good book. It will open up your eyes, it did for me. Im am only 30 and am still learning every day. But I do see people around me stretching themselves way to thin when it comes to money. Its hard to sleep at night when your worried about bills

Originally Posted by Sec162

I didn't read every reply but a couple suggestions.

On the shoe box thing, go to department store and get "rubbermaid" type drawers. They are failry cheap, and keep everything organized at the same time. Much better than a shoe box. I came home one night to find my wife and her sister got bored and organized our whole bathroom cabinet. Turned out very nice and I didn't have to dick with it.

On the money thing she is right. Everyone has bad habits. We used to eat out a lot. Sit down and track every $$ you spend in a month on everything. Do this for six months. It is quite shocking what you can spend on crap u don't need. Not saying your razor collection is crap at all. But for example when you eat out 3+ times a week and you see $400 a month going out the window it puts things into perspective!

There is no feeling like being in cotrol of your money rather than it being in control of you. We are not perfect but are on track. A lot of stress went bye bye when we sold some toys, paid off some bills and started watching things better. If you plan for things it does make it more enjoyable. We are going to Vegas next month and have been saving for a while. Now we will not be fretting about money because we saved it and if we come back with some all the better if not, then that was what it was for. No nasty credit card bills to bite you in the a** later.

Do yourselfs a favor and pick up a copy of "Financial Peace" by Dave Ramsey. We do not follow his system to a T, but we are getting better. He is a little bit of a bible thumber, but a very good book. It will open up your eyes, it did for me. Im am only 30 and am still learning every day. But I do see people around me stretching themselves way to thin when it comes to money. Its hard to sleep at night when your worried about bills

I'll have to look for that book next time I am in barnes and noble. I actually do save I have 10% of my paycheck going into a stock purchase plan which then goes directly into a high yield account and 6% (+ a 3% match) going into my (our) 401k...its just she doesnt ever see that money because she just gets my electronic direct deposit and doesnt see all the taxes or health insurance costs or what the 16% which is deducted for savings and 401k. BUT I could definitely save more....that is for sure!

Thanks,

Josh

I could also save more! I didn't want it to sould like you should never have fun, cause thats not the case at all. Any one of us could wake up dead tomorrow so enjoy yourself within reason.

I guess I try to ask myself if I really need something, then I sleep on it. A lot of times its just a passing want. I see a lot of people I work with spend huge dollars on new cars. For example my brother in-law just bought a brand new Tahoe. Second baby on the way you know, the blazer is just too small, got to have the fully loaded Tahoe. They make good money but are not filthy rich at all. Well I believe it was $740 or so a month for payment, then add gas, insurance, etc. That is just crazy!!!!! But a lot of us do it. Then we trade it in two days after its payed off and jump back into another one.

We are strange critters and will justify things anyway we can if we want it bad enough even though it will hurt us later on.

Cars and Credit cards are the two things he harps on big time! He has a radio program that is syndicated on AM radio and some of the messes that people have gotten themselves into with cars and CC'ds makes me ill!

Anyway, here is his website

http://www.daveramsey.com/shop/Audio...C48.cfm?afid=7

I believe I have an extra copy of his book floating around here somewhere. If you are interested I can send you a copy to read and just send it back when you are done. If you like it you can check out some of his other stuff online or in a book store. Just send me a PM.

I will stop rambling on now

well, I've been reading this whole thread. It took me a little more time than my wife thought was needed but since I've shared some of the comments on here with her and she had a good laugh she didn't really mind too much.

As for advice.....he problem with picking your battles is that that is just what they'll become......battles, fights, war. This is your best friend and life's partner you're talking about. You don't want to fight her I think. (At least I don't want to fight mine)

My father gave me very good advice when we got married. Basically it was this: "It's not about being right, it's about being together and being happy".

In short her explained that to win a fight and lose your spouse (even if it's only for a day or two or even an hour is a very hollow victory. Learning to compromise seems very important to me. Not "winning" or even "letting her win". I'm only a uyoung pup that's been married for a mere month and a half but that's just my two eurocents.

Besides......how to enjoy shaving while you know that it's pissing off your wife doing it? I'd be difficult for me I can tell you.

Great thread, even mildly amusing as my wife and I have had similar fights. I have to echo what a few others have said. Its not about the razors. Its deeper, its about the time. I'll bet money that the reason she wanted you to get the hobby to begin with is that you were busy sexin it up, and she wanted space to feel like a women and not a sex object, so she says leave her alone and get a hobby. Now your hobby is robbing time from her which makes her feel like an abandoned woman. Go after her, respect and love her womanhood, and remember, you married a women and not a razor (and not a man for that matter, so quit trying to have "arguments" and "battles" with her like she is a man). Think about it like this: if you treat her right, your love will blossom into children, and now you have someone to teach your hobby to and pass on your razors to. That will bring a whole new level to the joy of straights.

Sec162, great story about the Tahoe. My wife and I are wrestling with the same issue of the growing family. However in our case we are hoping to figure out how to upgrade from an old 2 door neon that really isn't big enough for the kid we have now, much less for the one due in two months. We just want a 4 door that runs, and we know that that isn't even possible for the time being.

The trials of life...